With over 15 million views, the “Let Them Theory” has been trending all over social media these past couple of weeks. Originally coined by researcher and author Mel Robbins, the theory offers research-backed advice that has helped hundreds to get over those toxic relationships we have all experienced.
“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person you’re really attracted to is not interested in a committed relationship, let them.”
– Mel Robbins
Essentially, the main point is to stop forcing other people to do what you want them to do. Often in relationships, situationships, or even friendships, you get this idea of how you want everything to function and inevitably try getting control over things that are out of your reach. It is almost impossible to find anyone that reaches all of our expectations, and believing in the possibility results us in making up these big dreams and ideas which aren’t realistic and end up disappointing us in the long run.
Mel claims that if you’re in a friendship or relationship and the person you’re forming a bond with is not showing up how you imagine them to, don’t get upset or try forcing the impossible. Because although you may feel hurt in the beginning, you’ll soon come to realize that by slowly disappointing you, they are actually revealing who they really are to you, which will help you then chose what to do next in this situation.
This theory can go so far in your life, even past the simple relationship. Many of us tend to get emotional over the smallest thing going wrong, such as not getting that text back or seeing that comment under that post. In the end, it’s not worth your time and energy. The main issue many people have is developing this false, unrealistic image of relationships which results in us falling in love with the potential of what it could be, but not what it is. Instead, we’re so distracted by this unrealistic potential that we spend so much time changing that person to fit into this mold we made in our heads that we don’t realize how harmful it actually is.
IMO: At first, I was skeptical about this theory, thinking it was just another trending TikTok of a group of people trying to make a point on a podcast. However, after fully watching Mel Robbins’ YouTube video, where she discussed how she got to this theory and point in her life, it really changed my opinion. Specifically, in one part of the video she gives a visual described by Dr. Amy Johnson where she says, “Whenever you go into control mode imagine that you are in a tiny, tiny boat and you’re paddling upstream against the current.” When you reach this point of fighting against reality and trying to have control over everything, instead of bottling up those emotions and trying to resist reality, just surrender and “take your hands off the oars and let the boat turn around and go downstream.” As someone who’s been a compulsive control freak since a kid, I’ve always wanted everything to be perfect, especially my relationships and friendships. However, I think I’ve definitely reached a point where I realize that it’s actually more harmful and hurts me in the long run, and instead to let everything just take the course of nature.
In the end I hope we can all apply this to our lives and enter 2024 as a new chapter with nothing dragging us behind.