We’ve channeled our inner astrological powers to bring you your horoscopes, collegiettes!
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Something in your life isn’t as it seems. It might just be the chicken-casserole-surprise in Eick, but be on your toes just in case. It’s a good calf exercise, if anything.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Mercury is in half moon this month. We’re not exactly sure what that means, but be thankful it’s not in full moon. If Twilight taught us anything useful it’s that werewolves can be a little clingy.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
With Saturn’s rings in your horizon, you may feel like you’re going in circles this week, Gemini. Stop running the loop and go to the gym instead.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
A project or relationship could be coming to an end in your life, Cancer. Don’t worry, with every end, there’s always something new! Like next semester: you might want to pick out those classes pretty soon.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
A cloud over Venus means a romantic opportunity has you distracted later this week, Leo. When the cloud fades, you’ll see he wasn’t flirting with you: it’s just rude to let the laundry room door slam in your face. Just wash your clothes.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
Uranus is smaller in orbit this week. You’ve got the green light to eat that plateful of cookies from Eick, and it’s a good thing because they’re actually chocolate chip this time.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
Financial windfall is in your 3rd moon, Libra. Of course that 20 bucks in your winter coat pocket is already yours… but it just feels so right to find it.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
You are on fiiiiree. Or maybe it’s just that the heat has finally kicked on in the dorms. Either way, this is your month, Scorpio. Own it.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
You are destined for greatness this week, Sagittarius. Even Big Larry will know your name.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Perhaps you’ve had it easy this week (or have been just too busy with halloweekend to notice your to-do list), but buckle up Sagittarius! Every planet is in your fifth moon’s atmosphere this week and you’ve got plenty of, ahem, stuff to do!
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Watch out, someone unexpected from your past is about to reappear. But don’t worry, Aquarius, it won’t be as awkward as those freshmen who still use trays at dinner.
Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
It could be that five stars are circling your House of Health this week that you’ve been feeling a little under the weather. Or it could just be that the weather has been pretty bipolar lately. Things should settle down soon.