Exactly one year ago, I was a quiet, nervous freshman who didn’t have many people she connected with. I loved TCNJ, but I was worried that I would never find my so-called “people” that everyone always talked about. My parents, who both attended TCNJ, made life-long friendships at the college that I felt like I could never live up to. Every time I looked in the mirror, I wondered why nothing was clicking.
One night, I was feeling bold, and out on a whim, I signed up for recruitment. I immediately questioned my decision; I never imagined myself as a woman in a sorority. On top of that, I was the oldest child in my family. I never had someone to look up to as a sister. I only knew two other girls who were going through the recruitment process, and when I went to my orientation, neither of them were in my Rho Gamma group. I was stressed, scared, and had no idea what to expect. Yet, upon meeting my Rho Gammas and the other PNMs that were in my group, I finally believed that I could find a home.
And I was so right.
Here is my ultimate guide to what to expect in TCNJ recruitment!
Note: Every PNM experience is different! This guide is based on my personal experiences, but your journey may not look like mine!
Rho Gammas!
Joining recruitment brought the kindest and most supportive women into my life, and it began with my lovely Rho Gammas. They are there for you to ask questions, help lead you in the right direction of decision-making, and ease your nerves. After every day of rounds, I would sit down with my Rho Gammas for at least 20 minutes (I think this was extensive on my part, but I loved talking to them), and I would tell them everything that was on my mind. Look to these women, because they have been in your shoes before. This was something I only fully realized after the process was over. And, even if I hadn’t found my forever home, I found two big sisters to look up to in them.
Be confident in who you are
This was really difficult for me during rounds. Every time I started to feel nervous, my mind would wander to thoughts like “They must hate me here,” or “I shouldn’t have picked this outfit,” or “I wonder if they liked that other girl better.” You are the only one thinking these things! Your anxiousness is your worst enemy in these circumstances; it will actively hurt your confidence. In between rounds, or even waiting in line before going into the next room, take a moment to ground yourself. Remember who you are and why you chose to be a part of this process. I know, it sounds silly, but I mean it. Show up as your most authentic self!
What about my outfit?
Picking outfits was one of the most fun and simultaneously stressful things I did when preparing for recruitment, although I wish I leaned a lot more into the fun part! I fixated on the Instagram posts that recommended what to wear for rounds, but I took it a little bit too far. I forgot the individuality aspect of forming an outfit. Yes, I pulled what I had from my closet, but I was more worried about fitting in with what all of the other PNMs decided to wear. Do NOT be afraid to stand out, especially if it means displaying your personality. You shine, so let your outfit shine with you!
I’m worried I can’t participate in any other clubs/groups on campus
This was an assumption I had when I first joined recruitment. Yet, talking to women during rounds showed me how it is possible to be a part of a sisterhood and engage in other activities on or off campus. Every organization has philanthropies that they support, as well. Further, since joining my sorority and meeting women in different clubs, I have joined five new organizations within the year, including a new part-time job! Being involved while being in a sisterhood is incredibly attainable.
Take care of yourself!
I am the worst at self-care, especially when I am busy and overwhelmed. Because of this, I got sick in the week between the first set of rounds and the second. DO NOT FORGET to eat, drink water, and sleep well! I know we are all college students who probably have poor sleeping schedules, but after a long day of talking, moving, and standing, you need to let your body rest! Go to sleep early after having a fulfilling dinner, and when you wake up to go to your rounds in the morning, eat a healthy breakfast! I am no doctor, but I know from experience that a lack of care for your mind and body will hurt you in the long run (and trust me, that week in between was not fun).
Me, a year later…
Before I wrap up, I want to share a brief story. On the first day of recruitment, I was leaving the Decker Hall social space after my very first round. As I was passing the next group that was about to go into the room, I spotted a girl with the sweetest smile. She looked as if a ray of sunshine were a person! I’m not sure what confident energy came over me, but I turned to her and said, “You are so beautiful!” She looked surprised and said, “Me?” “Yes!” “Thank you!” I smiled and left for my next round. The next time I saw her was on bid day, for the sorority that we had coincidentally both been offered a bid to.
A year later, that girl is now my best friend, and I can’t imagine my life without her. Her and my friendship, something I never thought I would ever get to have, is exactly why I am so happy I had randomly decided to sign up for recruitment on that January night a year ago. Joining recruitment has helped me grow as a person immensely over just one year, and brought me amazing people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise. I wish I could tell that scared freshman version of me that everything will be alright, and this will be the best decision I could have made.
So, whoever you are, know that you got this, and I believe in you with my whole heart.