Dear Senior Year Me,
If I could go back in time and give you this letter before you move in, I would. But since time doesn’t work that way, I’ll have to settle for writing this now. Let me tell you about the people you will meet freshman year of college and the friends you will make. There will be those people you start hanging out with during Welcome Week, and they’ll be awesome and you’ll think that you will be the exceptions and keep in touch and be good friends for the rest of college and maybe even beyond. But, that’s just not true. You don’t know who they are as people, and everyone comes in trying to get a fresh start.
But eventually, people settle into their normal and the group starts falling apart. You won’t even notice it until it’s crumbled beyond repair and there’s no going back. None of you will know what happened or why things didn’t work out, but it’s a natural thing. People change and drift apart, and if that happens, they’re not the people you were meant to be friends with. And then there’ll be that second group of friends who you believe will be different. They are also probably friends of proximity and things will go great with them too. It’ll be just like the first group at the very beginning. But then, someone will start putting in more effort to the friendship than the others and if that is you, you will feel hurt and not understand why they don’t seem to care. But then, you realize that if you really did matter to them and they really did matter to you, you would all be making an effort.
Then, you will find the people you did not initially think you would end up befriending but it turns out they care the most and you connect more than the others did. These just might be the people who put in an effort and show with their actions and not their words that you are a priority too. Maybe you already tried to talk to the first two groups about how you felt and they assured you that nothing was wrong and that of course, they would make a bigger effort to emphasize your friendship. But then you see that words can really be empty and the people who spend time with you and are there when you need them the most are the ones who matter in the end. I can’t promise you that the same experiences won’t repeat themselves, but I can tell you that somewhere out there you will find the friends you’re meant to be with. I don’t know when or how you will meet them, but when they’re there, you’ll know.
In the mean time, don’t sweat the losses too much. See them as opportunities to grow and learn and acknowledge your own responsibility in maintaining these relationships too. Also remember that you are the most important person to yourself and never compromise yourself for anyone else.
Sincerely, A wiser me