A Letter to my 29-Year-Old-Self

Dear 29-year-old Delia,

I’m hoping that in a decade, you have learned that pushing things to the next day because it makes the anxiety go away for .5 seconds doesn’t really work out well for you. I say this as someone who is currently going through the consequences of that. Please be kinder to your future self, because clearly I’m not. (I’m very sorry, I love you a lot.)

Right now, you are well into your second year of adulthood, even though sometimes it feels like you’ve been going at it longer. Personally, I hope that in ten years, adulthood isn’t as painful as it is right now. No one told me I would be losing so much in such a short amount of time. No one told me that life does not give you the proper amount of time to grieve. I suppose I shouldn’t have been so naive in believing that, but hopefully, you are doing better. 

However, I don’t want this to be a sad letter. For some reason, you write those all the time. I want to give you all the love you deserve right now. I’m sure times are stressful, as that’s typically what adults say, but I ask you, dear 29-year-old me, please find small pockets of joy. If I’ve learned anything in the past 15 months, it’s that sometimes you need to sit with your pain and discomfort in order to learn how to manage it. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m sure you’re going to be great at it. 

I suppose I should tell you about what’s going on in my life right now. I’m still writing, mostly for myself, but sometimes I share it with other people. I think what scares me most is that you are no longer writing. There are too many times where I think to myself that maybe I shouldn’t be so persistent about becoming a writer, but when thinking about my future, I truly cannot think of other things I could do. Well, there was that one time I thought I could become a comedian, but then I remembered that I have anxiety and am not funny. So I guess our dumb jokes and stories will stay between you and me. 

Lastly, the most important thing I want you to know is that I hope you are happy. I hope you have a close group of friends, maybe a significant other (hopefully by now you’ve accepted the fact that you cannot date Yoongi from BTS), and I hope you are still close with your sisters and other family. They’ll always be there for you, whether times are bad or simply to check up on you. If you are struggling though, please know that at least 19 year old you is proud of you.

 

Love, 

Delia 

 

P.S.: Even if people don’t think you’re funny, I think you’re hilarious.