In true senioritis fashion, I’m writing this article at 10:30pm the night it is due.
Four years ago, during my last year of high school, I was one of the few seniors who remained immune to the affliction that was almost synonymous with being a senior. It took me until the last week of school, when there were no more assignments due and no finals to take, to allow myself the luxury that everyone around me had allowed themselves from the beginning of September – senioritis.
Having spent the entirety of my college career with the same motivation that kept me going in my academics during high school and kept me unaffected by the declining performance characteristic of high school seniors, I expected myself to be the same now.
Even though I had planned for a somewhat “easy” semester, at least compared to previous semesters, I started to realize that I had expected it to be much more relaxed than it actually was shaping up to be.
Over the summer, I had a full-time internship, followed by a distinct lack of obligations when I came home at night. I was so used to the grind of the semester, in which a day consisted of an intermingled schedule of classes, work and assignments capped off by a couple more hours of studying. During the semester, I would feel guilty for all the moments I wasn’t studying or working on my classwork. The summer was a real treat in which coming home at night meant relaxed and having no obligations, nothing to do, and I realized just how burnt out I was after pushing myself all year at school. Work was work, and home was a place to be myself and not work. In a sense though, it spoiled me and lulled me into a false sense of calmness.
The very day after I finished my internship, I had to come back to school for summer training for my job on campus. I went straight from a full-time internship in the summer to days that were over 16 hours long because of training to rolling right into the semester.
Since I never really had a break in which to adjust my mindset to that of being a student again and getting into the school mood, the semester took my by surprise. I ended my days earlier, watching more TV/Netflix, taking more and longer naps than I had ever let myself before, pushing back assignments to the last moment possible, rolling out of bed with barely enough time to get to class and work, and overall just scraping by from day to day.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m just very ready to leave “studenting” behind and move on to the next phase of my life. Even though I know I’m not going to end my education here and eventually go on to grad school, I know that I’m too burnt out to go straight into more years of schooling.
This semester lack of motivation is definitely a sign that student life has provided me with all the benefit it can and I have little more to gain from a schedule of classes and work and tests and group projects. Perhaps in a few years, I’ll be ready to grow from classes and tests again, but for now, I’m trying not to be too harsh on myself for being lulled by the prospect of getting my degree in just a few more months.
I’ve also accepted that just because I have different academic habits now than I did in the past few years, it doesn’t mean I’m letting my grades suffer. I’m learning that it’s okay to do something other than studying all the time and it’s okay to have a more relaxed approach to my academics and acknowledge the value that I can get from engaging my time in other ways.
I never expected to feel senioritis and the burn out that comes with it, and it does scare me a little because I don’t know how it’ll play out for me. However, it’s okay to face the uncertainty that comes with changing motivations and a different perspective.
While I may find myself lacking motivation to do something, I’m sure I’ll find ways to spring myself back into action, enough to accomplish what I need to.