I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: freshman year is all about learning experiences. Life is all about learning experiences. You learn from your mistakes. Those special, momentary lapses in judgment force you to grow. To see what you did wrong. To reflect, and move on. To be better and stronger than you were before.
We’re young. We’re allowed to make mistakes—to feel too much, to love too much, to hate, to cry, and to utter those famous words “never again.” This is the time in our lives when we need to figure ourselves out, to make those mistakes. Obviously some of us have more learning to do than others, but we all need to take a step back from the façade we exhibit and look inside ourselves.
I learned a lot about myself this past week. It became all too clear to me and everybody around me that I do not like to mess up, whether it be in school, with friends, with relationships, or anything. I want to be sure of things all the time, which therefore makes me extraordinarily skeptical about people—because you can never be too sure about the ones you surround yourself with. But, so I learned, all you can do is enjoy the presence of these people, grow alongside them through mutual mistakes and, when the time comes, move on. Unfortunately, everything in life is temporary. However, during this time in our lives, it’s time to enjoy these temporary things because we will never be able to have these moments back.
I had a heart-to-heart with one of my friends on Saturday night, someone who I was not all that close with until that exact moment in time. In our vulnerable states, we shared various aspects of our lives, things that only people closest to us know about. We let our guards down, allowing ourselves to break down those barriers, if only for an hour. The only word I can use to describe this conversation was “real.”
Everything about this week was real. That conversation capped off the most emotionally vulnerable week of my college career thus far. All of a sudden, after we spoke, it was like every negative occurrence of the past seven days, all the drama, all the mistakes, just faded away. That conversation made me appreciate myself and reminded me of how strong I am. I was at peace and, most importantly, I was surer than ever about what I wanted and who I was.
Of course, I admittedly am quite confident in myself. I know my strengths, weaknesses, and faults. However, during that week, I became quite confused with what was going on in my life, wondering about the people I surrounded myself with and where I truly belonged. I had nothing to worry about. It’s in those instances of weakness that you realize how many people do care for you.
So, right now, it is good that we make mistakes purely so we can learn from them. I’m not saying go out and rebel, but just allow yourself to fall from grace once in a while — to let your guard completely down. I’m a perfectionist much like many of you, but I think that this time, allowing myself to fall was probably one of the best decisions I possibly could have made.
Julia will be charting the course of freshman year here at TCNJ, giving voice to her fellow first-year collegiettes and bring back memories for our upperclasswomen.
Comment below if you have a suggestion for Julia to write about!