Often when relationships end, we look for closure to move on. But is it necessary?
Closure implies that things in our life can be tied up in a neat bow, but that’s rarely the case. Often the closure we’re looking for doesn’t even exist, and a big part of moving on is accepting that things don’t always go the way we want them to.
Here are some instances where you should let go of the need for closure:
1. You want them to feel remorse.
It’s completely normal to want the people who hurt you to feel bad for doing so. The problem is, a lot of us get stuck there. It isn’t worth your time to force someone into taking accountability for their actions. The only thing we can really control is ourselves. This means acknowledging our hurt and taking responsibility for our actions. No one likes to be told they are doing something wrong, but sometimes it’s necessary. But what they do with that information is up to them. Your feelings are valid regardless of whether this person apologizes to you or not.
2. You want answers.
Sometimes we’re not just hurt. We’re also confused. You might spend your time wondering why this person would behave in a certain way or why they felt they needed to lie to you. It’s normal to contemplate these things, but one of the hardest things we have to accept is that we may never get these answers. Or we may never get the answers we want. If this person has gaslit you or tried to minimize your experience, they’re not ready to give you truthful answers. And it would be best if you didn’t wait around until they are.
3. You are using getting closure to avoid how you are feeling.
It’s easier to think that once you get answers or once they admit to what they did, you’ll be able to move on. But the reality is those feelings of hurt, anger, and sadness will linger. We can’t avoid these emotions, and the only way they pass is by letting ourselves feel them. However, with time the intensity of those emotions will fade. By placing so much importance on closure, we make our well-being contingent on the response of someone no longer part of our life.