In February, Chrissy Teigen penned an exclusive essay for Glamour opening up about a struggle she faced after becoming a first-time mom. And nope, it had nothing to do with breastfeeding or taking care of her newborn, but rather, just taking care of herself.
Postpartum depression tiptoed into the Sports Illustrated model life like an uninvited party guest. She now had this wonderful daughter (I mean, c’mon the most two perfect people, Teigen and John Legend made a child) yet she didn’t feel like herself. She was un-Chrissy. And just unhappy.
But it was more than just a change of mood. “Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people,” Teigen wrote in her essay.
When she wasn’t in the studio, she was home. When she walked into a room, instead of holding her shoulders high, she made herself feel small. And her back pain sent her to the hospital, only to be shuffled around from confused specialists. Maybe it was kidney infection? Rheumatoid arthritis? Nope.
Teigen had just started her second cookbook, and while she hoped to thrive in the kitchen, stirring every bowl and licking every spoon, she was on the couch.
Finally she visited her GP for a physical and ended up with some much-needed answers. Her diagnosis was postpartum depression and anxiety. After committing to an antidepressant and vocalizing to her friends and family what she was dealing with, Teigen started to progress.
Yet having PPD still didn’t click with her. “Before this, I had never, ever—in my whole entire life—had one person say to me: ‘I have postpartum depression,” she writes. This dark storm cloud in Teigen’s life didn’t make sense to her. She looked at Luna every day amazed. She explained she had a great life. She knew she was fortunate to have Legend, her mom, and a nanny by her side to help raise Luna.
So the usually candid Teigen kept quiet about her struggle. “I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do.”
Teigen recognizes her privilege, and admits that she has fear for those under different circumstances:
“Plenty of people around the world in my situation have no help, no family, no access to medical care. I can’t imagine not being able to go to the doctors that I need. It’s hurtful to me to know that we have a president who wants to rip health care away from women. I look around every day and I don’t know how people do it. I’ve never had more respect for mothers, especially mothers with postpartum depression.”
She wraps her essay up explaining this is her open letter and how the “really bad” days are fleeting. She thanks husband John Legend for consoling her and watching subpar reality TV with her. Chrissy ends on a positive note:
“More than anything, I always want to have enough energy for Luna—to run up the stairs with her, to have tea parties with her. As she gets older, she’s becoming more and more fun. Her eyes are getting so wide, and I want to be there for those wide eyes. And I will be.”
Wow, love you Chrissy. One day we may be placed in Teigen’s shoes, (we will never be married to John Legend). While motherhood is probably not on our radar quite yet, it’s never too early to read up on PPD.