Thanksgiving is always tricky for me because it was not something I celebrated until 6 years ago. The holiday is purely American, and even though my grandparents lived in the US and I was born here, we didn’t really celebrate the holiday; we simply ate slightly better than usual, which is saying a lot because Portuguese food is already the best food. Plus, when it comes to my grandmother’s cooking, there’s no such thing as “better food” because it’s already the best.
Now every Thanksgiving since I returned to the US, I have spent it with my aunt and uncle, my sisters and cousins, and my mom, surrounded by amazing food that we will inevitably eat too much of as we talk about what we are thankful for, among other things. Every year, even though she had not celebrated Thanksgiving for a long time, my grandmother would call and the first thing she would say to me was “Happy Turkey Day!”, in her very broken English. She would tell me that even though she did not have turkey, she tried to make something similar, and I would laugh because I can imagine the annoyed look on my grandfather’s face who probably just wanted some soup and bread but was lowkey still grateful for my grandmother’s cooking.
A few weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, I always start thinking about what to say when my aunt has us all say what we are thankful for before we can eat. The past few years has consisted of me being grateful for my good health (although I jinxed that one), being able to go to Portugal and see family I hadn’t seen for a long time, and the usual, like having good grades.
This year is hard.
My beautiful grandmother is no longer here for me to receive that phone call. It’s difficult to be thankful when you go through great losses in the span of a few months. For a while, I didn’t think I could be grateful for anything; not only was I hurting but my whole family was too. In the midst of pain, how can we find something to be thankful for?
Family. The people I get to spent Thanksgiving with, where we make food together and later on regret how much we ate but then remember all the leftovers we will have. I’m thankful for them. The family I don’t get to see often because they are 7 hours away from me and they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for them. The friends that are 7 hours away that I barely talk to anymore but were there for me when I was hurting. I’m thankful for them. The friends that are here for me right now, even though they go to their own colleges. I’m thankful for them.
Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday. The fact that historically it represents a more bloody and dare I say predatory America is kind of off putting. I do like the idea of reflecting on events that have happened this year and simply knowing there are people to be thankful for, even if they happen to be very far away.