To whomever is reading this,
Take a second to think about those moments when you are left alone, your own quiet time. Perhaps you treasure this time like it was your first born; it is the reason you work and push through the tough stuff. With the promise of a well-deserved break, you are able to move through life with perseverance. Think about the type of person you are in your alone time. Perhaps, you are full of energy. Perhaps, you spend most of the time sleeping. Or perhaps, you don’t look forward to this time to any degree. The fact of the matter is, time alone is essential in better understanding yourself. But, what if in these moments you don’t understand yourself at all?
How does this apply to relationships you may ask? Knowing yourself and being okay with being alone is the premise of a healthy relationship in my eyes. Being okay enough within yourself to want to invite someone else into your world is what I believe to be an essential part of a relationship, but oftentimes, we do not go about relationships in this way.
It can be daunting to bring someone into your life. You have all of your own responsibilities, and within the premise of a romantic relationship, you are collaborating with someone to operate as a unit. This means balancing your own duties with theirs, making time to meet and spend time with one another, and all the while maintain your own mental health and stability. It can be hard to get this balance just right, and I have definitely found myself struggling with this in the past.
Making sure you do not allow someone else to define you in a relationship is also essential. Oftentimes, you may unintentionally do this on your own, and feel lost in the case of the relationship ending. My advice would be to try to have your own separate hobbies, interests, and friends aside from who your dating. That way, you can educate each other on different topics, have healthy amounts of time apart, and all the while work on yourselves individually in the process.
Think back to that feeling of who you are when you are alone. Are you accepting of the thoughts you think and the way you carry yourself? Do you like yourself when your alone? Do you feel you can be the most genuine version of you? If your answer is yes, ask yourself if you can be this genuine with your partner. This is a vital part of letting someone else in, being able to be the real you. Without this, no relationship is bound to be long lasting, and if it is, it can be extremely tiring putting up a front for the acceptance or perception of someone else.
All thoughts aside, from this tangent(y) stream of consciousness, learn to love yourself before thinking of letting anyone else into your life.
Besides, without self love, what do you really have?
Love,
Grace