To the one that changed my life forever,
Once upon a time, we were one, united as a front. It was us against the world. But now it’s me against you? What happened? What changed from the moment you said you’d never let go to now, where I’m here alone crying because you’re gone. We can be friends, he said. It’ll all be okay, he said. Then why am I broken beyond repair? Why am I scared to love again? I compare every single boy I meet to you. Every other boy has imperfections when I think about you. There were times when I doubted us when I thought you were imperfect too, but you loved me, and you stayed, and that was more to me than any imperfection.
Tell me how I am supposed to rid myself of your touch, love, memories, and everything in between. And worst of all, you never came back for me. I let you go, and you didn’t come back. You left me to wonder why, oh, why I wasn’t enough. It’s not even about the relationship anymore, it’s that I would give up the world for you, but you wouldn’t. I would leave the world behind if it meant I could jump into your arms and never let go. The difference is you wouldn’t. I deserve much more than someone who wouldn’t. Yet, I still wonder what it would be like to see you smile at me again, kiss me, and pull me into your arms. Instagram’s constantly reminding me of how single I am and how happy I could be. I wish I could’ve been that with you. Selena Gomez’s lyrics replaying in my head: “You could break my heart in two, but when it heals, it beats for you.” I loved you more than I have ever loved! And you left it; you left it all. You left a girl who would do anything for you over a small problem. You’d wonder why I was so broken after giving my absolute all to you, and it still wasn’t enough. So tell me, what is?
But now it’s just me, no us. I no longer have a reliable plus one, someone to do everything with or tell my deepest, darkest secrets to. I’m mourning the loss of us because for so long, I needed you. I needed you to thrive, to keep going, to understand my worth. But now that you’re gone, I realized I didn’t truly need you. I found myself! I never knew of such a feeling till I lost you. I’m healing now, going days without your memory; it’s weird, isn’t it? We used to say I love you every night, and now it seems like a faint memory. But now your arms – they aren’t a safe haven, your voice is a dirty reminder of what used to be, and your face is just a place I used to look to for an encouraging smile. It’s all slowly fading away & it hurts less every day. I’m doing okay, and I don’t need you. I might’ve lost my very best friend, but I found one in myself. So I guess I want to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance to find myself & love me again. I hope you look back one day and see what you missed out on. I hope you realize all the damage you did because you left us unfixable, unmendable. But I won’t be there when you do.
Goodbye, lovebug, maybe in our wildest dreams. xx