This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at TCNJ chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.
Turning 21 is a huge milestone in so many aspects of our lives. And yes, while most people are excited about their newfound freedoms and legally being able to drink, turning 21 comes with new responsibilities and a whirlwind of emotions. To be honest, turning 21 comes with far more pressure and expectations than I could have imagined. When I was younger, I expected to have my entire life set at age 21. I expected my career to be on the perfect path to success, to be independent from my parents, to have a romantic relationship with someone I wanted to build a future with, to have close friends I could trust with everything, and so much more. However, as I quickly approach my 21st birthday, I can say I haven’t figured any of this out yet, and that’s okay! Turning 21 isn’t about having everything figured out, but realizing there is still so much more to learn and experience. So, in full transparency, here are 21 things I thought I would have figured out by 21.
- My career: Everyone says college is when you figure out what you really love and what you really don’t. College is where you find out what you want to pursue as a career for the rest of your life. I’ve gone through drastic major changes and doubted whether I am in the right field more times than I can count. Even now, as I pursue an undergraduate degree in something I’m truly passionate about and see myself thriving in, I still have so many unanswered questions about my future career and where I want to be.
- Being Independent: I know I am technically a full-grown adult, but I still rely on my parents for so many things. Who would have thought that at 21, I’m still calling my Dad every time I fill out a tax form, or still need my mom to accompany me to get my blood work done?
- Romance: My high school friends are getting engaged, my college friends are in long-term relationships, and I’m still single, trying to figure it all out. I know I am still young, and after all, this is the time to meet new people and learn what you like and dislike in a relationship, but I still wouldn’t mind finding my person.
- Accepting myself: I constantly let the devil on my shoulder win, telling me that I need to change something about myself. From my physical appearance to my personality, I always feel like something about me isn’t good enough. I feel like I should be at the age where I am confident in myself, whether it is what I’m wearing, doing, or the grade I get on an exam, but not a day passes when I don’t want to tweak at least something about myself.
- Accepting others: Just as hard on myself as I am, I can be equally critical of the people around me. I hope that by my next birthday, I will have learned that nobody on this earth has the right to judge someone for simply living their life to the fullest.
- Saving money: I can hear my dad telling me, like a broken record, to save my money instead of spending it on a top I will probably only wear once. I know I have adult money and have to make adult decisions with it, but sometimes I want to go on a shopping spree and not think about the financial consequences.
- Patience: I’ve always struggled to be patient with life. Everyone says, “It will all work out” and “good things are coming for you,” but is it bad that I want to see it all work out and have all those good things happen right now?
- Letting things go: I can’t lie, I have always been the kind of person who holds a grudge, even when I don’t think I am. Moving on from past misunderstandings or mistakes is important, but sometimes it is hard for me to do it.
My mom accidentally washed my brand-new white shirt with her red sweater, and now it is pink. I guess I’m not going to talk to her for the rest of my life.
My friend canceled plans at the last minute. I guess I won’t answer her texts anytime soon.
- Finding a curl routine I love: I naturally have curly hair and have never been able to curate a curl routine that I absolutely love. It either ends up too frizzy, too crunchy, too greasy, or simply lifeless with no bounce. I want to find a curl routine that is time-efficient, effective, and won’t break my bank account.
- Eating without guilt: I know my body needs food to survive, and food fuels me to do the things I love, but I constantly fall into obsessive calorie counting or blame myself for eating a little too much at dinner.
- How to be spontaneous: I’d love to be spontaneous; give me 72 hours’ notice. Even the thought of last-minute plans sends me into a spiral of a million questions. I’m still learning that not everything has to be scheduled, color-coded, and added to my calendar 2-3 business days prior.
- How to say “no”: Saying no to plans literally feels like a federal crime to me. I hate disappointing the people around me, so I end up agreeing to things I really don’t care about. My people-pleasing tendencies clearly haven’t gotten the memo that the world won’t end if I say no.
- Keeping it cool: Not every minor inconvenience needs to become a personal crisis, but sometimes I can’t help it. I overthink, overanalyze, and overplan everything in my life. I’ve never been one of those “go with the flow” kinds of people.
- Being able to cook more than three meals: I will never be on MasterChef. My cooking abilities are limited to pasta, scrambled eggs, and frozen meals. I didn’t even know how to use a microwave until I was 14.
- How to cut my own steak: To be honest, this might be my most embarrassing category, but I’ll admit it: I can’t cut my own steak. I’m a grown adult who has relied on my dad or boyfriends to cut my steak.
- How to keep plants alive: Plants must come with an instruction manual for everyone but me. I either completely forget to water the plants or love them a little too much and let them drown. If I can’t even keep a plant alive, I don’t know how I’m trusted with anything else.
- Prioritizing my goals: I often get caught up in everyone else’s plans, put things off, or spend so much time thinking about what I want that I end up forgetting to do it. I tend to take on too much at once and then wonder why I feel overwhelmed.
- What all the lights on my dashboard mean: Every time a random symbol pops up on my dashboard, I immediately panic, Google the warning, call my dad, and pray the fix isn’t expensive. Why does my car need to communicate with me through these weird, mysterious symbols when plain English is much simpler?
- Self-control: I wish I had more self-control, but somehow I can’t resist unnecessary purchases, ordering food when I have perfectly good groceries at home, or keeping the promises I make to myself. I’ll tell myself I’m going to be productive, go to bed early, or save money, and somehow always end up doing the exact opposite.
- Confidence: I’m still learning how to trust myself, recognize my own worth, and stop looking for validation from others. It’s funny how I can spend hours and hours convincing myself I’m not good enough while knowing I would never speak to someone else the way I speak to myself.
- Myself: If there’s one thing I haven’t figured out yet, it’s who the hell I am and who I want to be. I think I understand myself, but then I throw myself for a loop. But maybe we all need a little longer than 21 years to figure out who we are.