As college students, we tend to not know what we want in a relationship. Things change constantly in our lives due to the basic fact that we are growing up. If you would have asked me a year ago today if I saw myself in a relationship, the answer would have probably been “I don’t know.” Mainly because I don’t think I was ready then, and I wasn’t in the right headspace to be in a relationship at the time. I just wanted to have fun with my friends, go to parties, and drink. But, life works in odd ways, and I’m pretty happy with the way things worked out in my favor. I met a guy last November, we started a FWB relationship, and well 10 months later that ‘thing’ turned into a romantic relationship.
There were many ups and many downs in our little story but this is how my FWB became my boyfriend…
As I mentioned before, college students sometimes don’t want relationships, we just want to have fun. In my case, 10 months ago I didn’t really know what I wanted. When I met him, I was somewhat over that wanting to have ‘fun’ phase but I wasn’t truly ready to be in a relationship either.
The first time we truly hung out is one of my many favorite memories with him. We talked about space, music, life, and just about anything. The conversation kept flowing from 10 p.m. till 4 a.m. as we were getting to know each other. After just that one night I knew I could easily be myself around him. After awhile, we both felt sexual tension rising, and decided to start having a sexual relationship. I won’t lie to you, after establishing this type of relationship, I started having feelings to the point where I wanted to be more than that. But, we weren’t on the same page. He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and honestly, I don’t think I was either. This is where things started to get a little bumpy. After realizing what we wanted wasn’t the same, I started to ghost him. Yes, you heard that right I actually ghosted the man. I felt bad about it so we tried to talk it out and agreed to just stay friends, but it wasn’t long before we just broke contact and things got awkward.
He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and honestly, I don’t think I was either…
To distract myself, I did what any college girl would have done, I went to a party with my friends to get drunk and forget. He didn’t do anything wrong so how could I be mad at someone if I had zero hate for them? It truly felt like it was the “right person, wrong timing” situation, which just made everything worse. What I didn’t realize then was that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship either. That same night, I kissed someone else (worst kisser ever btw sorry not sorry). I came to the realization that I didn’t want to kiss anyone that wasn’t him and that I also wasn’t ready for a relationship if I just wanted sex. Two days later, I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he said yes.
That was one of the first times (yes, there was more than one time), that I went back and told him I didn’t care anymore, I just wanted to have sex and be FWB again. We started to just have sex (lots of it), watch TV, and cuddle almost every day. Poor guy though, I cut him off and went back twice. Sometime in early January and again in late January. In the end, we both enjoyed having sex and each other company. Living at the dorms was a bonus because we walked to each other’s rooms to hang out. After a while you tend to start to develop feelings, sex becomes more intimate, and eventually, it’s not just sex anymore. I think we both knew that but were afraid to admit it to each other because we didn’t want anything to change.
In late March, COVID-19 struck San Antonio, the dorms told us if we wished to leave then we could. I was planning on moving into my own place so I didn’t leave San Antonio but he did. We didn’t want things to end so we agreed to keep being us and continue things when he got back to San Antonio in the fall, but we could still be FWB. We established that we wouldn’t see or talk to other people during the summer.
During those five months, we didn’t see each other and it made our feelings stronger. Since we weren’t having sex, we were getting to know each other more and grow as friends. We talked almost every day, facetimed at least twice a week, and sent TikToks to each other constantly. Being apart from him made me realize a lot. I worked on myself and focused a lot on my mental health. I went through a difficult summer for many reasons but through it all, I knew one phone call to him would make my entire day better. He helped me through so much and knew that this wasn’t just a FWB relationship anymore, but we weren’t still ready for a relationship just yet. There was still more work we needed to do on ourselves before we started moving forward. But we didn’t want to let go of each other. There were sometimes where I felt as though I should have left but I couldn’t because he was worth waiting for and holding on to. It wasn’t just sex anymore that I wanted from him, I wanted him.
I was ready, I just hoped he was too…
Once he got back to San Antonio, we continued our relationship as FWB but it wasn’t long before he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course, I said yes, he went from just a FWB to my best friend who I started to fall in love with. We grew together, he helped me be ready, and although we both still have things we need to work on as individuals we have each other as support through it all.
If you start a FWB relationship with someone I have two pieces of advice: one is to be sure its what you both want, and two if you start to develop feelings don’t hold them in, talk it out. You might both want to be more but timing can be a b*tch so please be careful and good luck girlies.