The fall semester of 2021 will be the beginning of my junior year as an undergraduate architect student, and with every new semester, as I have learned and observed, comes new pairings and couples. Now, do not get me wrong, dating is fun and quite a learning experience, and I would be lying if I said did not feel like the crunchiest single pringle every time a cute couple walked by. I did; however, my resolve to not date has stayed strong until this day. This resolve came to creation during the last week of my first semester in college during the fall of 2019. Throughout the semester, there were several events and happenings, if you will, that occurred which led me to the resolve to not date for the remainder of my undergraduate education.
Now, for the juicy stuff you came for! Let us begin, shall we?
1. Tried & True
Let me up front about this: I would not have come to this resolve without experiencing dating for myself. Also, let me clarify that my dating experience was not the best; however, I would have come to the same conclusion even if my dating experience was all roses and chocolate. Needless to say, it was not. I am not saying that all dating experiences will end in a break-up. There are several that do not. You may find the love of your life! I am saying this based on my experiences and the experiences of others.
Before I dive in deeper and explain my reasoning, I need to let you in on some of the ways the architecture program works. There are these classes called “studios” which are our main classes for design. They are incredibly difficult and require an immense amount of time and dedication. Each studio comes with its own space for its number of students, which is usually around 16-19. Each student has their own desk and space and stays there for the rest of the semester, with his/her peers surrounding him/her. Because the amount of work required to succeed in the course, students are often in their studio for all hours of the day, and they naturally become really close with each other as they work on projects together into odd hours of the night. I described all of this to say that you will be seeing whoever your are peers in your studio A LOT and will have to talk to them A LOT. Do you get where I am going? What if you are in the same studio with your ex? What if you are partners with them on a project? You will have to work it out to save your grade. You will have to work things out so you can succeed and move on.
I am pretty confident to say that hardly anyone wants to be in the same studio with their ex. And yet, it happens, and the two struggle from it.
Friendships are critical in the studio. You want to be able to get along with your studio mates. It will make the semester all the easier. From observing and being a friend, I have watched as friendships turned to dating and led to break-ups. As I said before, not all couples break-up. I just do not want to risk it (I will explain a little more in point 4😉 ). To get another view and perspective on this topic, I asked a friend what he thinks. (Name and identifying factors have been left out for privacy reasons.) He said that he would not want to date or do a project with his closest friend, who happens to be a girl. I was impressed when he said this and comforted that I am not the only person who decided to put dating on a back burner for now. I agree with his statement of not doing a project with my best friend. As architect students who spend countless hours on our projects, we do try to keep “work” and “life” separate. We do not want to be partners in a project with those of our peers who we make great friends with and become really close. I know I just said it is important to be able to be friends with your partners, but there is a limit. We want to be able to get along and work efficiently together, but we do not want to risk our friendship over a project or our grade. Projects require the group to be able to critique its partners and question their design choices. Without this open communication, a project will not succeed. It is also because of this that you need to be able to get along with your partner and exes being on the same team is not recommended. However, sometimes, we do not get to choose who is on our team. The team is decided upon where we are sitting, so we have to be careful about who we are taking our studio with. I do not wish to risk a project, or grade by deciding to date and possibly ruining our friendship.
3. Graduate Education or Moving into the Real World
These four years of undergraduate school are not everything. Your life is not over when you graduate. On the contrary, it has just begun. You are still young. Do not feel like you have to find someone in college. You don’t. Several of my peers and I have plans to go on to graduate school and obtain our master’s. We will be separating and moving on with our lives. We will still keep in touch and remain friends, but we will also be experiencing new things and meeting new people. Even if some are not intending to further their education, they will most likely move to a nice place and begin working where they, too, will meet new people and see new things. Or some may take a break and travel for a year or two.
This has been a major factor in my resolve to remain single as I will most likely move on to my master’s. I know that, personally, I do not want to have a long-distance relationship. It may work for some but not for me. I applaud those who are currently in a long-distance relationship. I have always wanted to further my education and become a licensed architect. With this in mind, it has been rather easy to keep my resolve to not date. My anticipation and excitement for what is to come in the future is great motivation.
4. Have Not Met “The One”
Now, I know there is a lot of stigma surrounding meeting “the one.” I used to not believe it. I used to think it is impossible that there is “one” who is destined for me. However, I now think that anyone can be the one. “Anyone” who makes me fall so deeply that all I want to do is stare into their eyes and never let go is “the one” for me. Not having yet met the person who I just faceplant for is a huge reason why I am able to stay single as of now. There is not anyone who I would risk a break-up for. I know some people may meet their one in college, and that is perfectly fine!! I am rooting for you! This article is NOT bashing dating. I am simply stating the reasons I have chosen to not date right now. I have my whole life ahead of me.
So, there you have it! These are the reasons why I refuse to date as an architect student. I want to thank you for reading this article and putting up with me until the end. I hope this may have helped or encouraged you in some way or fashion if you are currently single and do not wish to date. Again, I want to state that the purpose of this article was not to bash dating. I would love to date but am refraining because of the reasons listed above. I am a big supporter of those who are dating and hope you are having the time of your life! You deserve it! Again, thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great rest of your day/night.