“You’re so quiet!” is something I’ve heard countless times over my life, from when I was little to young adulthood. Sometimes it confused me, because it wasn’t something I consciously chose or tried to be; it was just how I was. I tend to be on the quieter side, whether with large groups of people or small ones, and regardless of whether I’m comfortable with them or not. It’s not that I’m socially anxious or scared (though that can still happen), but mostly I’m just a listener at heart. I’m naturally observant and don’t constantly have a ton of things to say. But what I found was that people would misconstrue my quietness for a sort of weak meekness. Teachers would assume I needed more confidence. My friends thought it was their job to speak up for me. I was constantly told to “not be so shy” and to just “speak up”. Sometimes people would refer to me in the third person while I was right there in the same room, as if I were just an object. It’s as if people don’t know what’s going on inside your head; they assume there’s nothing at all.Â
It was infuriating because most of the time, I wasn’t lacking in confidence or courage. People just assumed I should have more to say and a louder voice to say it in, that I was holding some part of myself back just because I wasn’t the first to lead a group discussion or raise my hand in class. It was like there was a sort of assigned insecurity projected onto me just because I wasn’t super outspoken. Of course, I had moments of anxiety and insecurity, but I wasn’t this soft-willed, helpless, and timid little thing that people so often labeled me as.Â
As I grew older, there was this surprise whenever I showed an ounce of personality, or more accurately, once people would actually get to know me. “I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk!” or “I didn’t know you felt that way”. I would often be told that people first thought I was “mysterious” or “intimidating” or just “really quiet”. In reality, it’s not hard at all to get to know me. I’m open to meeting people and won’t hold anything back from people getting to know me. Even though I’m introverted, connecting with people is one of my favorite things. It might take some time for someone to see more sides of me, but isn’t that true of anyone? I think people see introverts as having a constant guard up, but that is not always true. I’m an open book, you just have to read carefully and all the way through.
It’s also not true that quiet people have less of a personality, or thoughts or feelings. If anything, we think and feel more than anyone else. But just because we don’t always project it outwardly, we must be insecure or unconfident.
On the flip side, I’ve had friends who were labelled as too much, too loud, or annoying for speaking their mind. Overconfident, egotistical, thinks too much of themselves…the list goes on. It’s so funny to me how we can assign these labels and projections onto people just by their manner of speaking or expressing themselves. You’re not too much or not enough because of how much you talk or how loud or quiet you are. You just are who you are, and our first impressions of people will never be enough to fully judge or know them.
There is always more to a person beneath the surface- we all just have to take the time to dive in deeper.                                                                                                                                                                                                       Â