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Molly Peach / Her Campus
Life

Late-Night Thoughts=DayTime Regrets

I made the decision late Wednesday night or early Thursday morning, at the weird time of 5 am. I had not been asleep yet, but some were getting up and getting ready for work while I laid there trying to decide if I should sleep on this decision or go through with it when the time comes.

My sleep-deprived brain conjuring up pictures and scenarios of what could happen, like what if I am called a slur because I changed something that was mine to change or what if I make this change and I hate it? These thoughts ended up not being completely crazy because the one about me hating it was completely true. But these nerve-racking thoughts didn’t scare me; they made me more determined than ever to go through with this decision.

Determination is weird though; it will have you hanging on to thoughts that were thought of in a single minute. It will make you regret telling your friends in what you thought was excitement but ended up being sleep deprivation and a need for change.

This late-night thought quickly went from “when the time comes” to later today, Thursday, at 2 pm. I don’t even remember telling my friends, I just remember waking up to a message from the group chat that said, “Today at 2 pm, we will pick you up.”

At 1:50 pm, we park at our destination and walk into the building that made me start going to bed earlier so late-night thoughts could stop turning into daytime regrets.

I finish and walk out of the building, feeling the sun hit my newly shaved head and think, “At least my hair grows back fast.”

texas a&m grad student
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