These days, it seems like you cannot enjoy a good scroll through social media without being attacked by a video of a woman’s partner being willfully incompetent or sometimes just plain cruel. However, I think the most jarring part of this phenomenon is the explanation that comes after these videos. Upon various pleas by concerned women to leave their partners, we are left with statements like, “You can’t base our relationship on a thirty-second clip,” or “I am not offended, he was being funny, and I won’t leave him.” In that same vein, women also come online and discuss the mildly inconvenient things their female friends did, and how it warranted their leaving that relationship. Therefore, we must discuss why the grace extended to romantic relationships is often not extended to platonic relationships. Most importantly, we must discuss how to know when it is time to leave a relationship for good.Â
I think the reason women usually extend more grace to their significant others than to their friends is directly related to gender roles. Women are supposed to be nurturing and caring, while men are supposed to be more indifferent and unfeeling. As a result of this, most women expect more from their female friends than they would ever expect from any man. This results in unfair double standards. This double standard may seem perfectly innocuous; however, it is essential that women hold their significant others to high standards in order to prevent feelings of dissatisfaction.Â
Finally, we can talk about the most important thing: how to know when to pick up your things and leave.
I was talking to a girl a few months ago. She just turned 23, and she told me that she had just divorced her husband. After skirting around the topic, I finally let my curiosity win, and I asked her why she had left her husband at such an early age. She gave me such a short but impactful answer; she no longer felt like herself. She claimed she was doing things that she knew she would never do, and that was when she knew she had lost her sense of self. Therefore, I think the most clear way to know when to leave is when you start becoming a person you swore you would never be (if you start getting the urge to harass a person that your significant other may be cheating on you with, I think you may be changing more than you think).Â
Also, I believe actions rather than words should guide your decision to leave a relationship. Does your partner consider your emotions thoroughly? Do they consider how you may feel about a particular statement or action? When you express your feelings, are they treated with respect or cast aside? These questions are important to consider. It is very easy for women to fall for pretty words; however, it is essential that we fall for impressive actions and not pretty speeches.Â
Finally, I will say there is no one-size-fits-all guide that can tell you when it is appropriate to leave, but these are some warning signs I saw when making that decision.Â