For those unfamiliar with the term, chismosa means “gossiper” in Spanish. It’s someone that knows all the tea about everyone and manages to know before you. Many try to be one, but fail miserably. So, how the heck is someone a “good” chismosa?
I remember sitting around the kitchen table listening to the women of my mom’s side of the family chattering away about who’s getting married, who broke up with who, how annoying their husband is, who cheated on who etc. Anything and everything, they talked about it. They thought that just because my legs couldn’t touch the ground that I wasn’t listening, but I WAS. I think it’s here that I really nurtured my thirst for knowledge, even if it was pointless stuff about others. I would remember these stories and take them as life lessons for myself and not utter a word to another soul. Like don’t let your boyfriend be best friends with his ex girlfriend, don’t come empty handed to your suegra’s house, wear sunscreen, etc.
Flash forward to present day, I’m 21 and still manage to know the in and outs about people, yet I don’t have to dig, people will come to me. I reflect on my time in high school when I knew all the chisme, (gossip/secrets), about the majority of my peers, but why? What made me different? I realized that I in turn did not go around to anyone else. Any information made a dead spot at me, which ultimately made me a great confidant. Here are the keys that I’ve discovered to what makes a good chismosa.
Rule number 1: Do not spread the chisme. If you were to take one thing away from this article it should be this rule. I don’t care if it’s your boyfriend, your best friend, your mom. DO NOT. I know I got some of you at the boyfriend bit, but forget ever being viewed as a trustworthy amiga. A secret shared is someone being vulnerable and entrusting you with an aspect of their life, which may be big or small, therefore treat all secrets as if they are the crown jewels and guard them!
Rule number 2: To share is rare. There are only very rare times I have found that I should share information that was given to me in secrecy. Be selective about what you share, it is best to only say the bare minimum or too little than to give away all your cards. If I am to share a sliver of information it is solely to help the person who confided in me and the person listening. No more no less. The most common thing I find myself saying when faced with the dilemma of a friend inquiring about another friend is, “I’m not going to go into detail, but so-and-so is going through some stuff right now so let’s just support them at this time.” This sentence alone is incredibly powerful, and makes the other party stop and realize that we all have stuff going on in our lives and that we deserve the benefit of the doubt and positivity.
Rule number 3: Give your support. If you are lucky enough to have someone find you a place a comfort, be a shoulder to lean on. If you’ve faced a similar situation, maybe give your story of how you overcame that hurdle. Another thing to remember is that just because someone is sharing an issue with you, they don’t expect you to solve it for them. The name of the game is empathy ladies! Always and forever! All these rules together, help spread compassion and understanding, because a chismosa knows what goes on behind the scene, and a good chismosa helps foster understanding and empathy for those only seeing a fraction of the picture.
So go forth, and if you are to be a chismosa, be a good-hearted one!