Often growing up, when talking about tabletop RPGs (AKA role-playing games), we get funny looks or people joking that we’re nerds. There’s a certain stigma that the socially awkward kids in class are the only ones who play these types of games. They hide away in their parents’ basement and roll dice, yelling battle cries till four in the morning. The “weird” kids, some might say.
In our college town, this is not the case. There’s small shops that hold town-wide Dungeons & Dragons sessions and sell special dice. Hundreds go into their local Barnes & Noble to buy the latest campaign or even to pick up the Player’s Handbook to follow along with in their first session. There is a whole range from seasoned players who have played for years upon years all the way to players who are too afraid to try it after hearing the criticisms around the games as they grew up.
Both of us grew up hearing these things as well. We started college, probably never thinking about it again, never knowing what the games were truly like. We weren’t in middle school anymore, who even thought about playing tabletop RPGs in college? Those were children’s games… but then we came to find out that they weren’t. We can partially thank the first season of Stranger Things for bringing back this time honored game, but mainly we can thank our boyfriends for pushing us to try it out.
For many, Dungeons & Dragons — and other games like it — are merely just fun games to play weekly with a friend group. For others, it’s a great way to step out of your comfort zone, world and character build, learn a bit of improv, and even improve your public speaking skills. Yes, public speaking skills.
To help break this long-lasting fear of being the “weird kid” for playing tabletop games, we’ve looked to our boyfriends to explain what got them into playing them and how this has helped them gain valuable life skills.
- What made you get into tabletop RPGs?
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BF 1: “I played video games all my life but it was always limited by what the developers had physically done and tabletop RPGs, the only limits were your imagination not whatever the developer had made yet. I had known it existed and I was curious about it and I had [watched] a few twitch streams of people doing it so I gathered some friends, learned the rules, and played it for them.”
BF 2: “So Robert, my brother, started playing when he was in [his] sophomore year or junior year of high school; he started playing with some of his friends, and I thought it was kind of cool, but I didn’t have much of an interest in it until I was talking to one of my friends about it freshman year. He was telling me about his character, and it seemed pretty cool, so I asked him about it and he invited me to join… So really I got into it through my friend, and then I really enjoyed it and I haven’t stopped playing.”
- What is your favorite part of DMing (dming is short for Dungeon Master, which is the person who leads the game)?
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BF 1: “Creating a world that your friends can traverse and learn about is incredibly rewarding. It’s a lot like playing, but instead of playing one character you get to develop and play the entire population of the world.”
BF 2: “I think… the amount of control that I have over the narrative and the story is really cool to me… But what I really love is, I get to sit down and what I have is this list of ideas that I think my players are going to have fun immersing themselves in, and then I take those ideas and I flesh them out into a full-fledged story arc. Watching my players enjoy the story is my favorite part, because I get to present something they get to immerse themselves in and it’s just a really rewarding feeling.”
- Would you say that dming has helped you gain any “real life” skills?
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BF 1: “Yes. Very much so. My improvisational skills, alone, have helped me greatly in the workplace and social settings. Having to schedule everyone has helped me in my daily life with time management.”
BF 2: “[Being a DM] has taught me the art of thinking on your feet… you will plan for hours and you will have these elaborate maps and these intricate notes about the backstory of this cracked cup that is sitting on this end table in the smallest bedroom of the third floor of the house your players are looting, and your players will see some insignificant detail and suddenly they will make the entire session about that, and all your notes are useless… it has given me the ability to think on my feet, to slap a bandaid on it.”
- Is there any advice you would give to people who want to try out tabletop RPGs?
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BF 1: “Yeah, just go find a gaming store. They host adventure league games and they have any resources that you would need. Or just go online to Reddit or Facebook or any other online communities and you can find online games and games near you — anything you need.”
BF 2: “Don’t be afraid of those very big rulebooks! All a group needs to function is one person who knows how to play and at that point that person, even if they’re a player, can help… I know personally I have taught many people how to play D&D and I have never once gotten tired explaining rules to people. I view it as sharing my hobby, this thing that I enjoy doing, I get to share it with people, and I get to show them how much fun it is. And for people who want to start DM’ing there are innumerable resources out there. I think if I had to give one big piece of advice to DMs it would be, talk to your players. Usually at the end of every chapter or story arc of a campaign I run I will ask all of my players if they’re having fun and I want them to tell me if they’re not and then I can adjust my approach because if your players are enjoying your game being a DM becomes the most fun thing you can do.”
- Are there any misconceptions you want to clear up/ is there anything else you would like to say?
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BF 1: “There are certainly misconceptions. Since the 80’s people have thought it was satanic, so that alone they are very wrong. The image of the super nerdy guys gathered around in their basement playing D&D, while true, are not the only people who play it. There are jocks, there are adults, there are kids; anyone can play it and does play it. Generally there are all types of people who do play it. Most people you wouldn’t think who play it generally do. Like the “Big Show” from WWE. All in all I think it’s just a fun way of group storytelling and if all else a reason to hang out with or make friends.”
BF 2: “It’s a mindset that is not as prevalent now as it was in the 80’s when D&D first came out, and that is the mindset that it is the DM versus the players and that it is the DM’s responsibility to, quote unquote, ‘keep the players in line.’ That would be the original mindset of the game when it was originally created by Gary Gygax, and it is archaic. It is no longer a sustainable way to play the game, so if there are any DMs out there that are still doing that, you run the risk of destroying your play group and possibly turning those people away from tabletop RPGs, and that is a tragedy… it makes me really sad when I see people telling people there is one right way to play the game, and there isn’t. You can play the game however you want; if you don’t like a certain rule, you don’t have to follow it. If there’s one thing I want to leave people with, it’s play the game you want to play, play the game your group wants to play, and you’re going to have a good time.”