Breakups are never fun. And there are so many people full of opinions on how you go about your relationships and breakups. (I’m about to be one of those people, but it is from my experience). One of the worst things is having to end a relationship that you are still in. Where you haven’t checked out yet. But you know it needs to happen. Honestly, just coming to the realization of that is heartbreaking in its own way. We spend so much time of our lives trying and trying to make things work that are just never going to work.
Once you get to college and you get into that first real relationship, sometimes you can feel a little stuck. You begin thinking that this is the time for you to find your person and that this is the only opportunity for you. However, that could not be further from the truth and it’s a reality we all need to face. In November, I broke up with my ex of two years. At the time it felt like I was turning my life upside down. I mean we were discussing moving in together that following May, planning our lives out together. However, when you begin getting into what you want to do for the rest of your life, what you dream for yourself, it makes you question a lot of things. It’s time to start thinking about what you want long-term.Â
Let’s be honest… Do you really want to be with your bum boyfriend who treats you like sh*t? (all love)
Now, I am definitely not an expert, but PLEASE HEAR ME OUT. Do “no-contact” from the beginning. Do not sit there and wait it out. Y’all broke up for a reason; those reasons aren’t going to disappear out of thin air, and in turn, he should. For me, I did not do the “no-contact” from the beginning, in fact, I waited a whopping three months before cutting contact. And again, HEAR ME OUT WHEN I SAY THIS… this choice extended the breakup, it was like a breakup part two when it was finally time to cut him off. I know it is not easy to cut someone out of your life, but sometimes you need to choose what’s best for you. Just do “no-contact” from the beginning.Â
Something else I feel like I struggled with after this break-up was figuring out who I was without him. Yuck, right? I was with him for two years, his life became mine and vice versa. Double yuck. It was time to find myself without him; I had to relearn the hobbies I lost in that relationship and find out who I am without him as someone who has grown and changed so much throughout the years I spent with him. But also being able to accept the quietness and being alone. In past breakups, I drowned myself in my friends and every distraction I could find possible. This time I wanted to do it right. I wanted to heal and be alone. Don’t get me wrong, there is still healing to be done but it is so much better to force yourself to face the realities.Â
Maybe I don’t have it all figured out, but it is okay to feel lost in these months after. Sometimes these relationships take a lot out of you; sometimes they make you question yourself in every way possible. But it’s normal, I think… Again, I’m not an expert. If there were things that I could have done differently I would, but there is no need to dwell on the past and the things I can’t change. Don’t give this person the benefit of the doubt. People never change unless they really want to. You are never going to change him. But you can change how you react to these things and what you want to put up with as someone in this relationship. If you’re having doubts, they will never go away. As soon as one creeps in, you are overwhelmed by the rest. Each relationship you grow with someone, romantic or not, is a learning opportunity. But if you take anything from this, just trust your gut. You know what you need and what is best for you. You have heard it over and over again throughout your life. Do not waste your time trying to change them.
Just trust your gut and dump that bum boyfriend.