1. Maintain high but open expectations
Everyone has a type, whether it’s brown hair, brown eyes, has unique looking eyebrows, and loves to play the piano or blonde hair, green eyes, super duper tall, and has a dad bod. Although it’s okay to have a type, maybe a list is not the best answer. I say this because you’ll blind yourself to anything that is not on the list. Say you’ve met an amazing guy, but he’s not 6’0 and he’s not in the same major as you, you’ll automatically scratch him off the list instead of getting to know him better and digging deeper than what you see on the surface. Life doesn’t have to be a dating app, life is about going after what makes you happy. If he doesn’t have any physical expectation on your list, but he makes you laugh, then get to know him better on a more personal level and see where it leads you.
2. Don’t settle for anything
Yes he’s cute and yes, he makes you feel pretty, but don’t just settle for that. You’re a strong individual woman and you deserve a guy who will make you feel like you can conquer the world. Most importantly, find a guy who makes you a better you. Find someone who loves you, challenges you, encourages you, and supports you, not someone who’s trying to change you. If he takes you out on all these fancy dinners and buys you anything you want, good for you. If he doesn’t listen to you, if he doesn’t support your passions, if he doesn’t make you feel loved at the most basic level, well ladies… that’s worth more than all the money in the world. Does he lift you up when you’re feeling down? Does he praise your successes and motivates you to chase after your huge dreams?
You need a guy who respects your morals. Find a guy who doesn’t try to fill up a void in him by seeking addictions. If he’s not willing to let those things go, I promise you, it will only damage you. You need a guy who makes you feel safe and warm inside, not someone who verbally abuses you. If he tells you that you need to change your personality, if he yells at you for the smallest of things, if he makes you feel weak, then I promise you there’s a better guy out there looking for you.
3. Find your best friend
Starting a friendship before diving into anything deeper is the right way to go at it. A friendship will allow you to get to know the kind of person he is. It allows you both to know what makes you both happy. Developing a strong relationship will ultimately lead to trust and comfort. Just like you do anything for your best friend and will be there for you in an instant, he will too. Building a strong and caring friendship will eventually break down certain walls and allow you to become more vulnerable. Having a friendship will allow you to be yourself. He will notice your weird and quirky side, which he will appreciate so much. A friendship will maintain balance instead of taking things too fast. Lastly, having a strong caring relationship will allow you to fall in love with your best friend.
4. Can you picture a life with him?
Before investing myself into a relationship, I asked myself if I could see marrying this guy. Asking myself that question taught me to be patient and not date to just date. If you’re in a relationship, it’s important to address future aspirations and imagine what life will be like for the both of you in the future. It’s important to discuss what you want in life. It’s absolutely okay to talk about kids and marriage; in fact, you should talk about that. Also, if he tells you he loves and you don’t know what to say, it’s okay not to say it back. You can’t be throwing one of the most important phrases around when you don’t really see a future with him. Save it, and I promise it will be worth it!
5. Know your worth
I think the most important aspect of finding the “one” is getting to know yourself first. Being single is a time of growth and a time to focus on yourself. Remember, you attract what you put out there. You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself first. The one above us put a very special guy in your life to love you endlessly not momentarily. Trust him. Also, don’t ever think you’re going to die alone. I promise you that special guy will come into your life at the perfect time. He’ll come into your life once you stop desperately looking for him. Be patient. Know that “you are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you” (Song of Songs 4:7). You don’t need to change anything about yourself, instead, fall in love with every little imperfection of yours because one day, he will too.
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