Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Tampa chapter.

We’ve all heard or seen horror stories about people who get into relationships and lose their own identity. Maybe they stop pursuing their passions because it’s not important to their partner, or stop seeing their friends because EVERY activity must include both of them. When I got into a relationship with my partner I was determined not to let this happen to me. Almost three years later I am in the same relationship, happier than ever, and have grown both as an individual and as a partner. 

I want to share what I’ve learned over the past three years about prioritizing myself while in a relationship, and how it has kept us both growing and happy.

  1. Know yourself

Knowing yourself is important before getting into a relationship. It can be all too easy to fall into a combined identity if you don’t know who you are first. If you’re in college you might still be figuring it out, but I’m sure you have an idea. You likely know what you’re passionate about, what your hobbies are, what your main life goals are, and what you want out of a partner. As long as you know these things you can make sure you’re not disregarding what you want based on what your partner wants. 

  1. Let them know you

It’s important to let your partner see the real you. Be honest with them about what you want out of life, a relationship, and what your goals are. Before starting my relationship, my partner and I had a month to decide whether or not it was worth committing to long distance. Because of this pressure, we were EXTREMELY honest with each other from the very beginning. We shared our life goals, fears, priorities, boundaries, passions, and past mistakes. Once we determined we wanted the same things out of life and each other, we decided to try being try being long distance. Both of us knew who we were and what we wanted, and weren’t willing to sacrifice either for the relationship. I believe that both of us knowing ourselves and sharing that with the other person gave us a strong foundation. 

  1. Make time for your passions

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean everything has to become an “us” activity. It’s important to remember that you are allowed to do things separate from your partner. For example, I love running and my partner hates it. When we’re together, it is easy to think that it’s okay to just skip it so that we can spend more time together. However, I learned that making time for the things you love is too important to skip. Pursuing my passions keeps me fulfilled because I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing my identity for the relationship. If painting, playing a sport, spending time with friends, or reading makes you happy, then you should make time for it, even if it takes some time away from the relationship. 

  1. Prioritize school or your career

If you’re in college it’s important to make time for your studies. When I first started dating my partner I was tempted to push off assignments and not study as hard to spend more time together. I soon realized I wasn’t getting as much out of my classes because I wasn’t putting in the effort. Staying focused on school and your goals may be hard at the moment, but it will likely help you be more happy and successful later in life. Having a partner who supports your goals and nudges you in the direction of your goals is an important aspect of being able to prioritize yourself. 

  1. COMMUNICATE

Healthy communication is crucial to maintaining a happy relationship and being happy as an individual. You should always feel like you can communicate your needs without judgment and let your partner do the same. If you feel like you need more support you should be able to tell them. If you need some more alone time you should be able to tell them. If they’ve crossed a boundary that makes you uncomfortable you should be able to tell them. In my relationship, having open communication has allowed both my partner and I to get what we need from the relationship to be happy and fulfilled as individuals. 

Being in a relationship can be extremely fulfilling, but if you aren’t careful you may lose yourself in the process. By knowing myself, having open and honest communication with my partner, and prioritizing my passions I am more myself now than I have ever been. Prioritizing yourself in a relationship isn’t selfish—it’s essential for long-term happiness, both as a couple and as individuals.

Sarah Smith is a writer at Her Campus at the University of Tampa. She is a senior studying advertising and public relations and likes to write from her personal experiences as well as informative articles. Outside of school she loves the beach, shell hunting, concerts, trying new coffee shops, and is a self-proclaimed “sit-com enthusiast”.