I’ll admit it – I’m a bit of a pessimist when it comes to the beginning of a new relationship. I’m the kind of person who sees the end before things even get going. Perhaps it’s because over the years I’ve had SO many red flags pop up.
There’s usually three types of red flags:
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The first kind of red flag shows up within the first couple of dates – things like still being obsessed with their ex.
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The second kind of red flag doesn’t reveal itself until later in the relationship — it’s more of a cute little surprise you get once you’re comfortable – this kind of red flag includes something like never planning out when they’re going to see you, etc.
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The third kind is something you become more keen to the longer your relationship goes on – things like being completely unable to properly communicate ever.
One of my rules: if they bring up their ex within the first fifteen minutes of your first date, it’s a non-starter. I’m sorry, but if we just sat down at a restaurant and haven’t even ordered drinks yet and you’re already on the topic of how insane your ex was, I’m going to assume they’re in the forefront of your mind. Clearly you can’t have a conversation without bringing them up, so I’m outta here! And one more thing, don’t for the love of god tell me how crazy she was. I get it, some people are really weird but you’re making me think you’re the one who made her so crazy in the first place.
In general, exes shouldn’t be discussed on a first date. Please. Do yourself and me a favor.
Another one of my rules for myself: don’t plan EVERYTHING.
I get extremely tired of planning things out. Even though it’s my forté and I can plan one heck of a date, if I have to do it every time, it can be frustrating. Nothing is more exciting to me than having someone say they’ve made a plan for us for the night. The obsessive planner inside my brain is like thank god, I don’t have to do all the work for once!
I did a question poll this past week on my Instagram (@amaandathompson) and asked people to send in some red flags they’ve experienced themselves. Then, I asked the general population of my followers if they considered it to be a red flag.
1. Never planning anything.
This red flag was a mixed bag in terms of reaction from my followers. To me, this is a rather large issue. I don’t want to be the only one planning dates, show me some effort! Many of my followers however, didn’t care too much and didn’t seem to find it to be a big deal.
2. Lack of communication.
I think that communication is the most important aspect of a relationship and if there’s no communication, there’s really not a strong relationship. I would spend some time talking about this one with your S.O. and if there’s no change… I’d move on. However, this kind of issue is something you can work on. If there’s no change after talking about the lack of communication then clearly it’s going to be an ongoing issue your entire relationship.
3. If your friends dislike them.
I think this depends on the relationship. If your friends don’t really know the person and you think the judgement is unfair, I understand not trusting their judgement. However, I think your friends’ opinion has a lot to say about someone (especially if they’ve gotten to know your S.O. and still don’t like them). This would definitely raise some concern for me.
If you have any comments or questions for me please reach out to me on insta (@amaandathompson)
HCXO,
Amanda