“I’m in a love triangle and I don’t know who I should choose or if I should just not choose at all.”
— Annalisa (pseudonym)
Thanks so much for this question, Annalisa! This is a complicated situation with a lot of very real emotions. Before I comment on what I think the best plan of action is, I need to explain the situation at hand for any readers who may not know:
What is a love triangle?
Love triangles are romantic relationships involving three people. This, however, isn’t your throuple-next-door. The triangle’s participants don’t ever ask to be involved. In every love triangle, two people are pursuing a singular person while the person being sought after finds themself torn between both. Think:
Bella, Edward, and Jacob
Daisy, Gatsby, and Tom
Diane, Bojack, and Mr. Peanutbutter
A romantic circumstance similar to any of the aforementioned can become very messy very fast.
When does it get complicated?
In this new age of (mostly) free sexual exploration and a reduction of the need for labels, our instinct is to run with our feelings and never look back. However, that’s not always realistic. For example, someone you’ve liked for a long time finally starts showing you signs that they may be attracted to you, but they’re in a relationship. Depending on what position you’re in — in a love triangle, your emotions may not coincide with the person you’re interested in.
Side note: if ever in a triangle where the person you are seeking is in a relationship, be respectful, STOP, and move on.
What should you do?
Going back to the original question “…I don’t know who I should choose or if I should just not choose at all,” it’s clear, Annalisa, that you are the one being sought after. This can seem like an easy position to be in — in comparison to the two others, but it definitely comes with huge pressure and responsibilities. There is an unspoken rule that demands you make a final decision while being stared at in every direction. The only thing you can do in any situation involving your heart is to listen. Do you feel more drawn to one person? Is this person good for you in very obvious ways? If yes, there’s your choice. Are they bad for you in very obvious ways? If yes, maybe it’s time to reconsider what it is you like about that person. Make a pros and cons list for the people you are conflicted over, so you can have a concrete, visual aids to help you decide.
If you, however, feel equally drawn to both that’s perfectly valid! Continue spending time with them (making sure you’re completely transparent about your circumstances), and eventually, your better match will reveal themselves to you. Lastly, if you aren’t looking to make a decision at all, and are having fun where you’re at, then just be. Tell the other two parties involved in your love triangle that you aren’t looking for anything more and hear their responses. Love triangles can be a messy business, however, if everyone is clear about what they want it can lead to a smooth and overall self-improving experience.
Have a question? Need advice? Dm me on Instagram @papayapoe