As defined by Urban Dictionary being “Ghosted” is a term used among women to describe when a man (or woman) they have been seeing for a while stops taking their calls and answering their texts. These actions are usually preceded by many broken promises to “hang out” “have a drink or two” or “catch up” on the part of the Ghoster. A few weeks ago I was ghosted on, luckily after demanding a reason I got a drunk text explaining why he ghosted on me. It sounded like total B.S. if you ask me, but that’s a whole other story. But thanks to one of his texts I realized why ghosting has become so popular. The text said: “I didn’t want to hurt you.” I couldn’t help, but laugh. The fact is many people go ghost on another person because they don’t want to feel like they did something wrong, they don’t want to think that their actions could possibly hurt someone else. I am guilty of this, but now that I realize how much confusion ghosting can cause someone I refuse to ever do it again. Ghosting doesn’t give the other person any closure on the situation. This causes them to question their own value as a person. So here is a letter to everyone who has ever been ghosted on… I hope it gives you some closure, but more importantly reminds you of how valuable you are.
Dear you,
Do you know your value? If not please determine it. I can help you start by saying… You are worth more than unanswered texts, you are worth phone calls every night. You are worth more than empty words, you are worth fulfilled promises. You are worth more than Netflix and chill nights, you are worth a five star meal and a respectful good night kiss. You are worth more than texts saying “here”, you are worth a knock on your front door being greeted with a smile. Don’t allow someone to bring your value down, if they do, I beg you to run away as fast as you can. Tell them you know you are worth more and leave it at that.
Honey, I know those charming words sound so nice in your ear, but I also know those unfulfilled promises hurt more than you care to share. Please notice when this is happening, I beg of you to be aware because if you aren’t it is all going to happen again, I swear.
Please take some time to realize how amazing you really are. You aren’t a half a person, you are whole. Please stop trying to fill a void that doesn’t even exist. Our society made that up, the idea that your value is dependent on someone else is a total lie. Your value is within yourself and only you can determine it. Please appraise yourself high. You are the appraiser, no man or woman can take that position away from you. I hope you value yourself high and if you don’t I pray you take a second to look at yourself and realize how amazing you truly are. I don’t care what mistakes you have made, or how many people have put you down, I don’t care what your parents say about you or those rumors that go around. I know you are worth so much more than the cards you have been dealt so please stop trying to play that hand. It’s okay to walk away, the reasoning of “I deserve better” is 100% valid.
So you tried to play the hand and it left you broke and embarrassed? Honey, get back on your feet and take some time to remember your value. Remember that no one can change your value, but you. Please take some “me time” and find something you love to do. Whether it’s yoga, painting, boxing, or reading, just do it for you. Don’t do it to impress someone or to boost your resume, do it because it makes you light up and because it makes you feel a certain way. I beg you to learn from what happened and to write the lessons you learned down. It may take a few heart aches and a whole lot of lessons to stop playing those bad hands, but I promise once you determine your value no person will be able to haunt you. You will sleep easy at night knowing everything happens for a reason and maybe one day you can help another person just like you figure out their value. I promise you the value will be high.
– Sincerely Me