Why is it that girls are always the “crazy” ones? The misconception has been beaten to death, and goes a little like this: we meet at the bar, on Tinder, in math class, whatever. We flirt a little, exchange numbers, then make plans for the weekend. Then we get home and tell our friends every detail, as we gather around a laptop to stalk you and everyone you’ve ever met on Facebook and Twitter. Wait, wait, wait. That was only once. But, contrary to Hollywood belief, guys are just as crazy, if not more. Why is it that we’re the ones who get the bad rep? Maybe it’s because guy’s sanity can easily be related to snowflakes: no crazy is the same.
I may have only been in college just shy of two years now, but I have learned a lot about men. The first thing: they are not as smooth as they’d like to think. They’re not impressing anyone with pick-up lines about their Mustang, or complementing our shoes (I only fell for that once). Although they may have initially caught our interest, they can lose it very quickly. In typical male fashion, here’s how that story goes:
1. We meet at a party. You make all of my friends laugh, so you think it’s ok to ask for all of our numbers. You can make your choice later, right? Uhhh…Wrong.
2. You compliment us by using over-played song titles.“You have the Lips of an Angel.” Oh yeah? It’s going to take All of Me not to throw up on you.
3. We laugh at all your stupid jokes, so you ask us to have sex.
4. You think just because you drive a nice car and your parents have money, we should want to date you. Spoiler alert: we don’t.
5. You criticize other men to make yourself feel more manly. Jealousy isn’t a good color on anyone.
6. You compliment anything other than our eyes.
7. You text us past 10 p.m. Asking us “what’s up” “what’re you up to?” “want to hang out for ‘a bit'”
8. You think a date is asking us to go to a party or a club. How Nicholas Sparks of you.
9. Refer to her as mama/ boo/ bae or anything of the sort.
10. 1 week, 10 snapchats, 9 texts, an instagram tag, and a woman crush Wednesday later, we still haven’t replied. You still haven’t given up hope although, it’s probably time that you did.
Disclaimer: I’m not salty. Not a feminist. Not a hopeless romantic. Simply making observations on the human condition, or lack thereof.