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Can’t catch a break

God just once I'd like to be happy

Just once I’d like to feel complete

Just once

but no

Just too much to ask for isn’t it

Too much to want to be happy

To be healthy

Not constantly in this weird limbo that I’m in

Where if I die cool

I live cool, I guess

But everytime I start to get better

Get happy

You 

LAUGH

You take it away

Make me rethink every

Damn 

Detail

What the actual f**k

I just want to be happy

I just want to love life

I want to 

I want to

I really want to want to live

But I don’t

I…

I...

Can’t

Everytime I think life is worth it you

You throw a curveball

Break my heart even more

You’ve thrown more curve balls at me then the MLB has EVER seen

Breaking my spirits into a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle with no reference

My heart breaks more and more

 

Maybe that’s why I’m always so cold

I don’t have enough of a heart to pump my blood

That explains the constant pressure

Explains why I can’t breathe

Explains why I feel so dead inside

Cuz I’ve been broken enough times that my body has had enough

Enough of the bulls**t

Enough of the lies

Enough of the manipulation

The constant tricks that have been played

More tricks have been played on me than candy handed out on Halloween 

I’ve heard more lies than an experienced spy has ever said

And I believe them

Every.

Single.

Damn.

Time.

 

Why?

Why do I?

 

Oh, cuz I want happiness and you tell me sweet little lies 

Lies that make me weak in the knees

Make my heart skip a beat

A very dangerous action

One of those sweet little lies is going to kill me

A few almost have

Well less sweet and more scary

Not that it matters

 

A lie is a lie no matter how small

One pinprick lie could be the final straw

The lie that makes none of this life worth wanting to love it

Worth wanting to live

Worth wanting to be happy

To want to catch a break

A god damn break

Before this dam of emptiness breaks

Before night comes

Before all hope is gone

Before it’s too late to say goodbye….

Learning, failing, and growing to become a better person, scientist, and writer. Marine biology major with a passion in the arts and wanting to see and create change.
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