1. The Highschooler
This kid had no idea what he was getting himself into before he decided to crash a college spring break. Maybe next year champ.
Where you’ll find them: Quivering on the pavement before even making it onto the sandy beach, frantically calling their moms to come pick them up.
2. The Annoying CoupleWhy would you even go on spring break to only be with each other, look at each other, and talk to each other the whole time? Someone needs to break the news to them that it’s all right to break away from their significant other every once in a while.
Where you’ll find them: Sunbathing together, getting up every hour on the hour to reapply sunscreen to each other’s backs or running into the water together, holding hands and never letting go.
3. The GuidoThe cockiest guys on the whole beach. They’ll probably have a fake tan and gelled back hair that’s noticeable from miles away, while making themselves the center of attention by fist pumping to the latest EDM jams.
Where you’ll find them: Talking to a guidette in a leopard bikini.
4. The PoliceWhat’s a spring break without a little run in the beach police? They’re out to catch anyone with a BAC above .08. Watch your back kids.
Where you’ll find them: In front of you, behind you, to your left, and to your right.
5. The Wild Party GirlShe’ll probably be dancing like a crazy person, unable to tell left from right. She won’t put her red solo cup down for anything, unless there’s pizza involved, of course.
Where you’ll find them: Attempting to run into the water to dance on a boat, yet getting knocked down by the waves
6. The Pale KidEven though they always attempt to sit out and become a darker hue of white, we all know how it’s going to turn out.
Where you’ll find them: Either under an umbrella already burnt, or applying Neutrogena SPF 100 all over their body.
7. The Frat Guys From the Big 10 SchoolsThis big group of guys is pretty easy to spot. Sporting American flag swim trunks, a “rage” or “party” hat from Spencer’s, yelling at just about everything and everyone, and causing a scene just to get noticed. They’ll also be reminding other students as to why you didn’t go to their Big 10 University.
Where you’ll find them: The center of the beach playing beer pong and listening to “Sweet Caroline.”
8. The Locals“Get off of my lawn before I call the police you hooligans!”
Where you’ll find them: Sitting patiently either in their house or on their front porch, waiting to harass the next spring breaker.
9. The Sports Super Star
These people are in the best shape of their life. Wearing the newest Speedo swimsuit, wrap around sunglasses, and a sporty baseball cap, they’re out for blood in any game they partake in, expecting praise for all of their accomplishments.
Where you’ll find them: Playing a sand volleyball match while letting out a grunt and groan for every pass, spike, and dive that comes their way.
10. The Cougar MomDon’t let her fool you. She may look appealing on the outside, but in reality she’s most likely three divorces deep and older then your mom, hence leaving her to vacation to a college spring break destination with her other “single” friends. And no, 50 is not the new 20.
Where you’ll find them: Lying on their overly priced lawn chairs while sipping a fruity drink, and staring at every young college bachelor who passes by.
11. The Dad Not Wearing Enough ClothingJust leave these guys alone…
Where you’ll find them: Walking with a metal detector along the beach looking for buried treasure