In skimming the very dense and verbose email received last Friday from Chancellor Nancy Cantor, some Syracuse students missed the overall gist of the message. Somewhere in the second paragraph, Cantor announced that after ten years of service as Chancellor of Syracuse University, she plans to step down from the position when her contract ends in June 2014.
Apparently the news was not too shocking to administrators and faculty who predicted Cantor’s exit after the $1 billion fundraising goal was reached. While some reacted to the news positively there have been some unfailing Chancy Nancy loyalists lauding a job well done. Thoughts about Cantor aside, all those connected with the school are eagerly throwing names into the ring as possible replacements.
We have below a sampling of the most worthy, prestigious and honorable candidates to assume the role of University Chancellor in 2014.
1. Billy Fuccillo – Whoever said to beware of slimy car salesmen, has clearly never had the privilege of meeting car dealer Billy Fuccillo. While I myself have never met him in person, I feel that we have established a very warm friendship through hours of local ad sales. Bringing Billy to Syracuse would be HUGE. Not only would it be an unprecedented move for a university to hire a car dealer as chancellor but think of the great T-shirt slogans.
2. Jim Lehrer – Students widely back the candidacy of news anchor Jim Lehrer. If Lehrer is chosen as 12th Chancellor of Syracuse University, we will be able to do whatever we want.
3. Jim Boeheim – Hiring Jim Boeheim as University Chancellor is kind of a no-brainer. While such a pick could be met with controversy, many believe it would be refreshing to have a chancellor that tells it like it is. Boeheim already has a very dedicated student fan base and a giant cardboard head to prove it. If the school administration is so wise to offer up Carmello Anthony as counsel, he and Boeheim could double team.
4. Big Bird – Is there a more suitable figurehead for education than this avian resident of Sesame Street? The big yellow bird may soon find himself out of a job and thus readily employable in June 2014. Not only would Big Bird make strides in refining academia at this institution but he would also harvest a kindness and gentleness never before seen in the city of Syracuse. Many expect a more vibrant community feel with impromptu musical performances should Big Bird rule the roost.
5. Oprah Winfrey – Because whenever there is an open position, be it dignitary or janitor, Oprah is obviously the number one choice to fill it.