1.Let’s face it. You’re never going to wear those 6-inch hot-pink pumps you got from that one sample sale. You had to have them when you saw them. They will totally complete any outfit, you said. I will for sure wear them to the bars this weekend, you said. It’s been three months and you haven’t touched them.
2.Those designer jeans that are just two sizes too small for you. Because after you lose that weight you’ve been saying you’ll lose four NYE’s ago, they will finally fit. You’re keeping them for motivation! Actually wait – where did the girls get that one pair of jeans from The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants? I need those.
3.Broken coat hangers. How many times do you need that one shirt to fall off the hanger that’s just barely supporting the weight of the blouse before you toss it out? Oh, wait. Did it already fall off? Is the blouse wrinkled on the floor of your closet, again?
4.That one top you wore in high school you’re hoping to one-day pull off again. Halters are totally going to come back in next spring. I’m just waiting for Perez to make the announcement.
5.That pure white expensive raincoat that your mom advised you to buy in black but white was just so much more SJP. You haven’t worn it yet because you don’t want it to get dirty while you ride the subway to work. You always ride the subway to work.
6.The hippie-chic, kind-of-not-really-your-usual-style top from Free People. It’s FP so it’s cute and trendy. You’re usually a little more neutral with your color palette but your friends suggested your closet was too bland – too ‘business-casual’. So you bought it. They didn’t expect you to wear it, did they?
7.Wait. You have how many college sweatshirts? Do you really have that much school spirit still? I doubt it. One or two is enough. Or none.
8.That one bridesmaid dress that looks like it walked out of the movie, 27 Dresses. You weren’t even that close with the bride. You lent her a tampon one time at work and suddenly you were in her wedding. The dress was expensive so you’ve felt guilty tossing it.
9.Your fat pants. These are the pants kept neatly packed away in a drawer in the back of your closet. They are reserved for phases of your life post break ups where Ben & Jerry’s soothes you into a comfort coma. They are kept “just in case.” If you keep them, you won’t be as inclined to avoid fitting into them again.
10. Your 16 handbags are just taking up valuable shoe space. Do we really need to hoard so many purses? We know we’re only going to end up using one. Most likely our favorite Louis or Longchamp until it looks so ratchet we buy the exact same one all over again, anyways.