We often attribute a time machine to the past. So, let’s go back in time. Where would you go? For me, I want to go back to the times when I had the chance to speak up but could not let even a whisper out. I want to go back to the times when I had gathered up the courage to do something but ran away at last minute. And then, there are times when I was just about to do something, and self-doubt ruined the moment. I watched myself turn simple moments into something I regret.
So, whoever else is within that realm of anxiety, I want to share some wisdom that my friend bestowed upon me: “Woman up!”
As bad as it sounds, it is a super empowering phrase. No, I am not telling you to go into your soul to find your inner feministic qualities. You’re great just the way you are. I am telling you to value yourself and your voice. If it helps, I get it. It almost seems like the attack. You are doing the best you can, and it almost seems like you are being discredited for what you have been accomplishing. But keep in mind: this is a reminder of your strength.
I found some offense to it when I first heard it said to me. Before I explain anymore, it is helpful to have you know a bit more about my personality. I am a rather introverted individual who avoids most social interactions. If you want any evidence, I am writing this on the top floor of the library in the corner where no one else is sitting. Other times, I am writing articles in my room or in a quieter area of the common room. Furthermore, people describe me as soft-spoken when they first meet me.
As much I hate to admit it, I did need to hear my friend tell me “Woman up.”
It is funny, but I finally found a book that could describe my situation to some degree. Recently, I found myself at the public library and found a Young Adult Fiction novel that I have been meaning to read for two years. It is Becky Albertalli’s The Upside of Unrequited. I have not made it far yet, but the blurb told me what I needed to hear: a female main character who has had twenty-six crushes but never dated.
I really related to the main character. Here are my statistics:
- About 23-24 crushes (although I would assume 80% of them were just infatuations)
- Zero boyfriends
- Six rejections
- But one brave voice for the sixth rejection
I never know if I am doing the right thing by confessing. Truth be told, I know it can be a waste of time. There are much more important things to do like playing the new Mario Kart game, but please be assured that I know where my priorities are. It’s just my heart decided to make extremely embarrassing choices 23-24 times.
However, I think it is great to be able to find that courage to put yourself out there and letting your crush know how you feel. I will not sugarcoat the experience. It involves a lot of pacing with thoughts and trying to keep my cool. I can remember so vividly how it feels because the sixth time was way too recent, and I still have moments where I cannot believe I did that. But I did. And honestly, I keep getting praised by my friends for it, especially because I said it in person this time.
Like I said before, I usually hide behind a phone screen. I prefer not to confront anyone because I am not too sure about how I would react when I get rejected again. Luckily, I got away without much heartache this time, but nevertheless, I cannot vouch for someone else’s situation. But I try to keep it easygoing sometimes. Let’s just say that one time, my external reaction was sending the peace sign emoji along with the word: “Great.”
More than that, there are other times I wish I spoke up more. It is better than watching from afar, having the words but not saying a word. Think about all the chances you have. It could have been the little things like not raising your hand even if you knew the answer. It could be the moments where you had an opinion to share but thought your idea was not good enough.
Therefore, I want to tell you that if there is something on your mind, do not be afraid to say it. For some things, like confessing to a crush, I know it will hurt. I have to remember my friends told me to “Woman up” because they know I am strong and capable of speaking up for myself. Although they did more than that. If I were to have a time machine, I would make sure the following would have never happened:
One of my friends parodied songs like The Little Mermaid’s “Kiss the Girl” and Lion King’s “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” (and to that question, of course not!). There was even 13 the Musical’s “Hey Kendra,” which followed me all the way up from the laundry room to the second floor like some ghost. And it does not help that the hallway was dark and suddenly your friend pops up out of nowhere in the staircase, serenading you.
So, back to the point, the same advice can go back to you. You are strong and even if things do not go too well, you made that effort. Give yourself the credit you deserve because speaking up for yourself – no matter the situation – is never easy. You tried your best. And know your worth because you have so much value and so much to contribute.
Final words: “Woman up.”