Trigger Warning for Domestic Abuse
The world has been buzzing with a new Hulu original, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, so naturally, I had to watch it myself. Going in, I expected the same rehashing we see consistently in these housewives-style shows. The women fight and then make up by the next episode. Relationships will be on the rocks every episode only to be resolved by the end of the episode. But it was different than that and brought up a real issue and handled it in a way I believe everyone should watch to see. What do you do if your friend is clearly in an unhealthy relationship?
The husbands are rarely shown except for a couple of key ones, and they are used to highlight the issues and their friends’ concerns. One big one is Jen Affleck’s husband, Zac Affleck, who is called out for his controlling behavior, especially when the girls go to Vegas. Her relationship is dictated and guided by her husband on who he allows her to see and what she can go out and do with friends. Her friends are always quick to point it out to her and tell her that she deserves better. Their concern heightens after a trip to Vegas, and Zac’s behavior leads Jen to have a breakdown in front of her friends and disappear all night.Â
The girls go to celebrate Layla’s birthday, and Jessi plans a surprise night to Chippendales, a male strip show, which is not an ideal setting for Mormons. Jen immediately starts to freak out about Zac’s reaction to being there and how he will react to a TikTok they made about the girl’s night. She decides to call him, but he instead berates her and begins to tell her that he is going to divorce her and take the kids away from her. Questioning her morals and insulting her friends’ relationships and marriages, she leaves with Taylor completely devastated, wondering how someone could speak to her like that.
Unlike other shows I have seen, none of her friends shy away from criticizing her husband and calling it abuse. Jen has spoken out regarding the night on the “Viles Files” and how she questioned if that was a relationship she wanted to be in and how someone who loves her so much could treat her so poorly. But she also acknowledges how they both have gone to therapy and, in her view, are doing much better. Her friends chimed in quickly to say that they still would call out any mistreatment of Jen by Zac without any hesitation.Â
Mayci Neeley, in particular, was one to call out and recognize abusive tendencies, as she herself is a survivor of abuse, in her friend’s partners. She has been extremely vocal in her dislike of Dakota Mortensen, Taylor Frankie Paul’s boyfriend. Mayci was Taylor’s number-one defender on the show and was often the one standing up for Taylor when the group was openly criticizing her. Mayci’s conflict in the show comes in calling out how Dakota might have cheated on Taylor and how Taylor seems unhappy with Dakota. She tells Dakota to his face that he is following the patterns and behaviors that she noticed with her abuser but makes sure that she tells Dakota that she is not calling him an abuser.
Mayci’s talk with Dakota reflects one of the teachings that the OneLove organization highlights, of how to discuss and confront these uncomfortable talks with friends in these cycles of unhealthy relationships. OneLove practices acknowledging the behavior and labeling the behavior and not the person. That helps provide clarity to those suffering, and Taylor acknowledges in later episodes that she and Dakota are stuck in a cycle of unhealthy behaviors that makes her not ready to commit to marriage even though they are having a baby.
This show doesn’t stray away from the ugly conversations on negative relationships and how your friends will and should call it out. They aren’t scared of calling out partners who hurt their friends and do it in ways that support their friends and protect them. Mayci makes sure that when Dakota confronts Taylor in Vegas that she is not far away and is open to talking to her friend about what she has noticed. These girls may fight and talk crap about each other, but when it matters, they stand up for their friends and offer them help and outs to these relationships. It’s important to hold ourselves in the same light and call out negative relationships in our friends without blaming them for being in this position. There are multiple reasons why people stay in unhealthy relationships, but being there for a friend and building them up is just as important.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org