As a Catholic, it can be very difficult sometimes to give your life fully to God. The Catholic church gets such a bad reputation for various reasons and in the current state of the world, being Catholic is wildly unpopular. There are many hateful words said to and about Catholics and it can be quite the challenge to remain steadfast in your faith and proud of what you preach. For me, my journey has not been linear and has consisted of many ups and downs throughout the past year or so. Now, I can say that I have changed and have begun the process of fully giving my life to God and living the way He would want me to. How have I changed? Through the power of prayer.
When I was growing up, I hated going to church. It was such a chore and incredibly boring, to the point where I needed to snack on candy to be able to keep focused for the single hour that we were there on a Sunday morning. My parents were never devout Catholics, so it was always just another thing to do, and I didn’t really understand the purpose of church, prayer, or sacrifice.Â
With the Lent season finally over, I now have time to reflect on sacrifice and hardship. Throughout this season, I prayed a lot. It was hard to give up something important to me and do so for 40 days. I was not only suffering physically, both from a severe lack of sleep and nutritious food, but I was also suffering emotionally and spiritually. I felt so alone these past several months. I hadn’t been home since Spring Break, resulting in a six-week time span where I was at school, seeing my friends periodically, and my significant other even less. I also felt so disconnected from God. I had said many times before that I would prioritize religion and my relationship with Him, but I never felt fully motivated to pursue such a thing until quite recently. It was then that I discovered the power of prayer.
Prayer isn’t always meant to result in an answer, which is where I think a lot of people tend to aim their critique the most. God, in my experience, will not always explicitly make it known what you are supposed to do, if you’re making the right choices, or doing the right things. Prayer is meant to create a relationship between you and God, which was where I was lacking. I didn’t know God. I knew of God. I thought that since he loves everyone, I could get away with prayer here or there and would be granted my wants and needs. It was important that I formed a relationship with God. I could not expect him to grant me the things I wanted if I didn’t treat him like a friend. God wanted to know my struggles and how my day was going; he didn’t just want me to pray to Him when I wanted something.Â
I have struggled so much recently because choosing this path of life is hard. Choosing to ignore temptations is extremely hard. As a college student, being surrounded by things Christians deem sins and being expected not to partake in some of those ways is difficult. It is a test of mental and physical strength to deny oneself and make the sacrifice to abstain from worldly things like gossiping, lust, drugs, and alcohol. Being in a setting that is constantly full of those things requires a lot of mental fortitude, and it is difficult to deny the flesh what it wants.Â
For the past year and a half I’ve been at college, it has been difficult to see people living that lifestyle every day and feeling weird or left out when I try to stay away from them. I feared people’s judgment and criticism when I shouldn’t care, because as the famous quote goes, “why should I seek validation from the same world that crucified a perfect man?”
I sought the approval of other people my age so badly, because I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere. Something that I finally realized was that people will judge you no matter what, and you can’t hope to please everyone or mold yourself to fit into societal standards, because those standards do not align with your own personal goals and values. I am done seeking validation from the world and now, only seeking it from God.Â
Praying has helped me so much in this journey. To be alone in silence with your thoughts and to know that God is listening even if he isn’t tangibly present is a calming thought. To know that you always have someone in your corner, who has a path for you and will always look out for you is one of the best things in the world.Â
I found peace in prayer when I was undergoing one of the hardest years of my life. It has helped me in ways I never imagined and has given me a purpose that I thought I never had before. The power of prayer is immense and can do wonders for anyone, at any age, at any time. Â