Two of the most hated female characters in fantasy are two of my favorites. It is frustrating as a woman to see female characters that are despised because of their personalities, especially personalities that most women have. These women are hated because they are realistic. Society wants an escape from reality, which is why people read fantasy. They can excuse morally gray villains and violent and threatening acts that they deem “iconic”, but when it comes to a female character having a personality they see as “annoying”. She is chastised and Booktok viciously rips her to shreds.
The two characters I am referring to are Sansa Stark (Game of Thrones) and Nesta Archeron (A Court of Silver Flames). Both of these women have received so much hate over the course of these works being published because they display traits that are too familiar to the average person, which makes them easy to hate.Â
Sansa Stark
“I am Sansa Stark of Winterfell. This is my home and you can’t frighten me”
Sansa Stark, a notably naive young girl, is famously forced to watch her father beheaded in King’s Landing during season one of Game of Thrones and then subjected to the horrors inflicted upon her by her husband, Joffrey Baratheon, the malicious son of Cersei Lannister. She is left alone half a continent away from her home and her surviving relatives, forced to navigate the capital city by herself at the age of roughly 13-14 after witnessing a horrifically traumatizing event. She quickly realizes that her childhood dream of marrying a prince and living in a fancy castle is not all she’d hoped it would be. Because her younger sister is a tomboy and wants to fight with swords and has a scrappy attitude, Sansa is written off as the vain and annoying sister who is fragile because she cannot physically fight. This makes me incredibly angry, because I was always pressuring myself as a young girl to be different and to have more of an attitude. I was the Sansa of my family, and was even told once that my sister was Arya (Sansa’s sister) and I was more like Sansa. This was presented as an insult. My younger sister was the one who was “tougher”, “scrappier”, who didn’t like pink and was always annoyed with me. This is a phenomenon I fear all young girls go through when they have sisters and when people push the narrative that the sister who likes more feminine things is weak and fragile. It is extremely detrimental to how she perceives herself and can inflict insecurities that last a long while. Sansa is a scared teenage girl who has to worry about submitting to her abusive husband lest she be tortured and killed, all the while knowing how brutally her mother and brother were slaughtered. Throughout the earlier seasons, she was convinced that the entire rest of her family was dead, save for her eccentric aunt. She gets manipulated by the political mastermind, Lord Baelish, and even groomed by him in season five of the series. She has to learn whom to trust all by herself, doing all of this through her formative years, too. In the later seasons, fans criticize her for being wary of Danaerys Targaryen upon her arrival in the North, saying that the writers pinned the two females against one another and attack Sansa for being stuck-up and ungrateful after Danaerys had aided them in battle. The truth of the matter is, Sansa has a right to be wary of strangers, as she’s been abused and manipulated by them her entire childhood and teenage years. I find the Sansa slander distasteful and misogynistic, frankly. There are countless women who go through what Sansa went through, and to write her off as an ungrateful, annoying brat is obnoxious and basically invalidates the many women who undergo such hardships and act the same because they are products of their environment. She doesn’t have to be your favorite character, she doesn’t even have to be in your top ten, but do not complain about her guardedness and skepticism because doing so by extension wounds all the other Sansas in the world.Â
Nesta Archeron
“I am the rock against which the surf crashes. Nothing can break me”
The same is true about Nesta Archeron from A Court of Silver Flames. Nesta is notoriously known as the mean sister, who is angry, irritable and rude. This fact is true in the first several books of the series, but Silver Flames explores her personality and her journey much more closely. While most Nesta-antis are hung up on the fact that Nesta did nothing while her younger sister Feyre went out and hunted for the family, keeping them alive for years until the events of book one, they ignore the fact that Nesta was also just a girl wishing her father would provide for her. What she did isn’t excusable, but to not ever be able to move on from the fact that people make mistakes is immature and short-sighted. Nesta is jaded and callous, very abrasive and rough around the edges until she learns to let down her guard and open up. This is from years of mistreatment and manipulation from her mother. In the books it mentions how the girls’ mother taught Nesta how to be a sex symbol and basically accentuated her feminine figures in hopes of finding a husband and procuring wealth. Her mother never bothered with teaching her how to do actual work and merely dressed her up as a doll that would grab the attention of the men in the village and taught her to be desirable and coveted, not wanted or loved. During the third book in the series, the girls’ father dies saving them, killed in battle by a sword. In Silver Flames, Nesta enters a depression so dark it takes her the entire book to get out of it. Most readers overlook her depression, and I am convinced they do not like Nesta because they cannot relate to her in any way. Personally, I have not read a more relatable book in a very long time. Reading about Nesta’s journey working through her self-hatred and regret was a harrowing experience and I would suggest that anyone who is struggling with depression or who has ever struggled with it to read this book, because it was an extremely rewarding and healing piece of literature. Whoever said fantasy books can’t pull on your heartstrings in that way was wrong. In Silver Flames, Nesta gets evicted from her shabby townhome after trying to drown out the events of the outside world by sleeping with males and drinking every night. She is forced to live in a house owned by her sister, where their friend will train with her. She ends up making friends throughout the book and is able to do so because they take a chance on her and have similar past experiences as her. She learns how to be less abrasive, finds her own family, and learns how to be vulnerable with people she cares about, moving on from her trauma. As a former Nesta, sometimes all you need when you’re suffering is for someone to be patient with you and take a chance on you. It is a very difficult path to be on and it feels horrible knowing that you have been difficult to be with and mean to everyone, but sometimes all you need is a little help. Nesta will always have a fiery attitude and a bit of an abrasive nature, but a lot of that has been tamed. If you are ever in Nesta’s situation, it is possible to break free of the cycle and love life again. It is important for people to realize that not all personalities are the same, and certainly not all of them are bubbly and sweet. Some women are more cynical, skeptical, aggressive, and quiet. While it is not a free pass to be rude and mean to people, it is a reminder that there are girls out there that act differently than you do and are wired more boldly.Â
Be Open-minded
So the next time you’re reading a book or watching a show that has a character similar to these two women, do not immediately label them as whiny, rude, and unimportant. These women deserve your respect and your consideration. They are realistic and are mirrors of so many other women in the world today. Go into shows and books with an open mind and be thoughtful and understanding when you assess their character and actions. Just because you feel called out through a character does not give you a pass to hate them. So for all the Sansas and the Nestas out there, you are loved!