It is amazing how a new semester can open up so many opportunities for us. We are entering another part of our lives without realizing it. Sometimes, that can be more than a change of classes. It is a new time, and the future is full of different pathways we can take. One path may as well lead us somewhere that surprises us.
It has been a strange semester so far. I have had a lot of late nights – and if you are going through something similar, I highly suggest getting sleep soon too. Despite some of the less desirable situations like the snow squall that hit campus one day, there have been really great things that came out of this semester. However, I have trouble believing that this is reality, that I am not living in a simulation as my friend says.
When good things happen, I am one of those people who get suspicious. There are thoughts in my head saying that I am lucky now, but what about later on? I think about all the things I can do to end the good things on my own terms, so I do not have to watch it crash down on me if it does end up falling apart. I know that others might feel this way, but as I am learning, that is a form of self-sabotage.
Why are we ruining our own chances of happiness? Who is telling us that we do not deserve happiness? I cannot say that I know what others have been through. The experiences I know come from my own life. The things I hear from others will never be my own story because I was not in their shoes. Yet, I know we all deserve happiness in our ways. Or at least a moment of peace from the thoughts that tell us otherwise.
Some of us do this unconsciously: putting ourselves down with the thoughts that tell us that we do not deserve what we have received. For me, I have gotten more aware of it because it starts being really obvious when your thoughts about yourself are negative. All I can say is that I am working on it little by little. I have people in my life telling me that there is no need to self-sabotage. It can be difficult to overcome, but it takes time, some self-love, and self-confidence.
Is it luck or did I do the work needed to deserve it? I think it can be a mixture of both, but I can say that things do not magically appear for you when you want them. Sometimes, it happens because you have been working towards it. A lot of my self-sabotage comes from a bit of fearing the future.
If I keep working hard, will I still have it? One of my friends told me that I should enjoy the present as it is now. She said, “But sometimes, you just have to go for it, and if it works out, then that’s great. And if it doesn’t, then it’ll hurt a bunch, but not everything works out. So just try to enjoy what you have now.”
She makes a wonderful point as she says that. The future is endless in possibilities, but if I keep focusing on the future, I lose sight of what is in front of me. And what is in front of me is a path that I want to take because I feel happy on that path. It may take a while, but I know deep down that I deserve happiness. You do too.