Warning: Do NOT try this at home (or go ahead, I’m not your mother)
Step 1. Forget Everything You Know About Making Cookies
Making cookies is a fun activity that people can do together when they have access to an oven. It usually includes sugar, maybe flour, and sometimes chocolate chips. Pillsbury cookies are different because they’re premade and already perfect, but this step is crucial! Whatever you think you know about making cookies no longer applies when a microwave replaces the oven.
Step 2. Find your Ingredients
This includes acquiring the cookies from Walmart, Target, etc., and making sure your microwave is functional. There are no baking sheets in this recipe because—as I hope everyone knows—you CANNOT put metal in a microwave. It will catch on fire! You don’t want to be that person in your dorm that sets off the fire alarm, it will haunt you for months.
Step 3. Prepare the Cookie
Notice: this is a recipe for a singular cookie. I’m not sure if it would work with more than one. While that might limit the number of cookies you make each day, it means you will always have a freshly baked cookie, and you won’t have to worry about eating all of them in one day. If you want, that’s still an option. The chosen cookie must be placed on a paper towel, not a paper plate. This was not tested with glass plates, because who’s crazy enough to bring glass plates to college?
Science Fact!
Pillsbury cookies have a lot of butter in them. When they are nuked in a microwave, the butter seeps into and onto whatever the cookie was placed on as long as it is able to. Paper towels soak up the butter very nicely and result in a fairly edible cookie. Paper plates, for some weird reason, don’t soak up the butter, so it has nowhere to go and nearly destroys the cookie, making it very icky and inedible.
Step 4. Bake and Eat
The Pillsbury cookie should only be in the microwave for 25-30 seconds. Any longer and the cookie burns, any shorter and it probably won’t be cooked. It will be very hot, and some strange smelling vapor may escape the microwave, but I’m pretty sure it’s fine. Trying to peel the cookie off the paper towel is a bit of a lost cause; parts of it may stick to the paper towel indefinitely. Don’t worry, you can still eat the cookie. However, like I said, it will be very hot. Unfortunately, the warmer the cookie is, the easier it is to eat because as it cools it becomes rock-like—probably because all the butter was stolen from it. Please don’t burn your mouth too badly and enjoy!