Who hasn’t hooked up with a good guy friend or some guy within your close group of friends? We’ve all “been there” and “done that.” This is an issue many girls have to deal with. You meet that group of friends you hang out with during the day and go out with at night, and then you end up hooking up with one of them. While in the moment it may seem like the stars have aligned, but you’re usually making a big mistake.
No Longer Platonic:
You hooked up with a good friend of the opposite sex, and the two of you promise to not let it affect your friendship. In a perfect world this would be a possibility. However, usually afterwards they treat you no longer as a friend, but “that girl they hooked up with.” Now it’s awkward to hang out or go out with him, but odds are it’s not you that’s being awkward, it’s him. Guys are quick to assume that girls are going to immediately become clingy. 62% of guys surveyed said that they did not think attractive men and women can be just friends, as opposed to the 35% of girls who agreed with them. Guys always assume one person has more feelings than the other; therefore they decide to ignore you or treat you differently if they don’t reciprocate “the same feelings.” Personally, I would rather be able to maintain a friendship with someone after hooking up, as opposed to everyone being awkward. It’s not worth it to lose a friendship or possible friendship over a hookup.
Showing Interest:
In college it’s assumed no one is looking for anything more then a hookup. However, despite this assumption, it would just be nice to be able to not have things take “a 360” once you start to show interest. How many articles have we read that say women develop feelings after having sex? Countless. Many of us are likely to at least HOPE a hookup will turn into a relationship, even though very few of us expect it. When you hookup with someone within your friend group, it becomes especially difficult because not only have you already been connected on the emotional level, you’re now connected on a physical level as well. Making sure the emotional level remains non-romantic isn’t so easy. “It’s always scary knowing that by simply just showing that you have interest in one of your friends of the opposite sex, it can change the whole dynamic of the group forever. I feel like it happens to everyone’s group at some point.”
However, usually when we text you “what are you doing tonight?” on a Friday- it’s not that we girls want to keep tabs on you or even hookup with you, we want to know where the party’s at. We hang out with your friends too! That’s how we know each other! Lets face it, there’s no avoiding one another, so let’s all respect each other. I am most confused by guys who choose to not acknowledge girls presences at parties just because you’ve hooked up. Things don’t have to be so awkward, if you could accept that and treat me like a friend then it would slowly clear up the tension. Easiest way to get the friendship treatment- stop booty calling me at 3 am.
Jumping the gun… or the guy.
You hangout with a group of people for the first time and there is a guy you think is really hot. Under the conditions of PBRs and second hand smoke, you think you’ve found your soulmate. Things get heated and you end up spending the night.
Next weekend rolls around and you find yourself back at that same house party. This time, you realize that one of your “last-weekend-lover’s” friends is much funnier/cuter than he is. In fact, you and the guy you had already been with aren’t really that compatible at all. Sometimes it happens that you realize there is another, better guy within the group that you’d rather have, but its usually too late.
Say you meet a cute guy/girl in your class next semester, the two of you are “shooting the shit,” and you find out you have a lot in common; same major, same interests, and mutual friends…. Too bad those mutual friends are all people you’ve hooked up with. Who is this person going to go to if they saw that spark too? Probably that friend. And what are they going to find out? Chances are slim this person is going to try getting to know you if they know their friend has gotten with you. It’s a shame, it’s inevitable. However, while 77% of those surveyed said they would think twice before hooking up with a girl/guy that’s been with one of their friends 87.5% of participants have hooked up with more then one person in the same group of friends already… double standard?
If you are one of the 87.5% that has hooked up with more then one person in a group you’re likely to get judged. “Everyone talks about you negatively and shares their “experience,” as if you are a carnival ride and each individual is giving their feedback,” a female student responded in our survey when asked about the effect of hooking up with multiple guys in the same group had on her. A freshman male said, “I ruined the friendship between the two females after hooking up with them in consecutive order.”… sounds like a few guys I met back in the dorm days.