Birthdays are many people’s favourite time of year. I mean, you get a whole day to celebrate your life up until this point. For me, and I am sure many others, it’s hit and miss. There are things you want to happen and other things you just do not.
1. Do not remind the woman of her age
Yes, we know how old we are. We have been counting and stressing over crow’s feet since we learned what they were. So please, don’t yell across the table at the party and say, “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re 21,” because frankly, neither can we.
2. We want cake
Don’t assume because we have some food regiments we like to follow, does not mean we don’t have an appetite. We LOVE cake (and cupcakes and anything else that’s sweet). Women are just as moved by cake as flowers (or at least I am). Cake is the way to my soul, especially on my birthday.
3. Bring presents, or don’t
We love to receive gifts, but what we appreciate more is your company. We love to be surrounded by friends and we love to hear a funny story about how crazy we are when we’re drunk.
4. Please don’t use the “I was going to buy you a present but…” (directly related to 3)
We are college students. We’re on budgets. We’re poor. Don’t give excuses, because chances are I’ve either made them myself (not realizing how awful they are), or I understand your level of poor. Seriously we get it, hug us and enjoy the party!
5. Stick together
On birthdays, it’s common to go out drinking. Do not leave. You never realize how drunk you are until you’re looking for your friends, the room is spinning and you have to pee. You should try to stick as close to your friends as possible. This is a general drinking rule. To make the most of everyone’s night, the time you spend together will be the best. Then tomorrow you can make fun of each other as much as you want, because why not?
6. Don’t make a big deal
This one follows the age rule. Yes, we want to have a good time on our birthday, but we also do not want you to make a spectacle. We are coping with some sort of change here. Make the birthday gal feel comfortable, and most of all make sure she’s having fun. Whatever level of spectacle she might enjoy, it’s better to check first.
7. If you have never spoken to me in person, do not wish me happy birthday on Facebook.
Chances are if you don’t recognize my name under your birthday notifications., then 1) You probably shouldn’t have me on Facebook, and 2) Do not make a fake “Oh my God, happy birthday, wish we hung out more,” post.
8. Do not reveal huge secrets on birthdays (not bad ones anyway)
It should be a general rule not to reveal anything life-altering on a birthday. Some secrets are worse then others. but I assure you, most of the time aging is horrifying enough.
9. Don’t make silly birthday jokes
Singing “You look like a monkey, and you act like one too,” will probably earn you a, “Haha. Get out.” Don’t make silly jokes. We are all mature here. Or at least, some of us are. We are all up for some random humor, but birthday jokes are kind of annoying.
10. Most of all, enjoy your day!
Yes, you are a year older, but think about this way, you are much wiser. Or at least, believe you are. Birthdays are meant to be fun, so go ahead. Have fun, collegiettes!