“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Is a question, everyone hears at least once. Our responses used to be an astronaut or a princess with full-blown grins. But now that we’ve grown older, the question carries a lot more weight. It’s no longer shared with the same enthusiasm or excitement. Most are in panic, while the rare few answer in confidence. Coming into college, I had thought computer science was for me. The major offered a challenge and seemed to represent a lot of the things I was interested in — innovation and the act of creating things that could improve our society and help people. The fact that I could become more employable was just a bonus.
Several people had told me that it would be like sticking my hand into a hornets nest. But I chose not to listen and stuck with it, being the stubborn Latina that I am. However, now that I’m in a couple of the core classes needed, I’ve found myself questioning why, and if it’s really worth it. Night after night, all I’ve been hearing is the clicking of my pens as I try to come up with a quick solution to Newton’s three laws and whether there’s a force pointing upwards or downwards. It’s made me question my sanity and what I’m doing here. Science and math have never been my forte. I always find myself trying to fit this kind of mold of someone who can easily crack numbers, to the point that it consumes me. I always need to remind myself to step away from the problem.
One thing our society doesn’t emphasize enough is that the act of finding yourself is much more important than defining your major. Although it’s taken me a while to realize this, I’ve decided to just go with what my heart wants, as cheesy as that sounds. It may not contain the sciences, but that’s okay. Being happy matters way more. Despite not excelling in these prerequisite classes, I’m happy in a type of bittersweet way. Right now is the time to be selfish and make all the changes I wish to.