It happened. That moment, where I blew out the twenty candles on my twentieth birthday cake and subsequently had my first (of many) quarter life crises. Now let’s get this out of the way: twenty, in perspective, is pretty young. Sure, you may not be a bright-eyed teenager who didn’t need five cups of coffee to wake up before 8am, but twenty isn’t really old.
But that doesn’t stop me from feeling it. That day I turned twenty I just stopped and thought- f*ck. Now what do I do? Being a teenager isn’t the smoothest road in the world, but as it turns out, you should prepare for your twenties to be a whole lot bumpier (or so people keep taking great gleeful pleasure in telling me.) Here are some of the things I realized when I said bye-bye to my teenage-hood that I wasn’t exactly ready to know.
1. It isn’t as cute anymore to say you don’t know what you want to do with your life.
Yep. That dreaded question, the one that’s only marginally above ‘so how’s your love life,’ that your distant relatives ask you over the carving of the turkey on Christmas Day.
‘So, what are your plans?’ What are you going to do with your life? What do you want to be when you grow up?’
Back when you were younger it was fine to blush and shrug your shoulders and say, ‘I don’t know,’ in a small naïve voice, but nowadays it doesn’t elicit quite the same ‘aw’s and ‘ahs’ that it used to. Now this ‘life’ that they’re asking you about isn’t some thing way off in the future, but actually something happening right now, and apparently you should be ready to grab it in both hands and know exactly which direction your taking it.
This is really where you’ll notice people start to disperse. Up until this point, you and your friends have probably been on relatively similar paths, but the older you get the more life pushes you in different career and life circumstances, and it can be pretty hard, especially with social media, to not compare where you’re at in life. I think I try and handle this, by enjoying the fact that now this path I’m on is much more ‘mine’ than ‘ours’ and see it as a positive thing to be making your mark in a different but still as valid way as other people. Success isn’t really as comparable as it may seem.
2. People start getting engaged and married way earlier than you think and it’s scary as hell.
Gone are the days where relationships lasted a month, and people swapped stories about their latest hook-up at a party with pride. Now, all of a sudden you’re seeing that your friends have shacked up with their partners and there’s even that one girl that suddenly got engaged out of the blue even though you could have sworn she has only been with her boyfriend for five minutes. It seems like now we’re not teenagers, hook-ups aren’t the badge of honor they once were, and instead an anniversary post on Instagram is what people aspire to.
Whatever the case, I think this is something that will only get more progressive throughout your twenties, so I guess prepare yourself?
I guess, seriously, you have to refer back to the ‘not comparing’ thing, and try and not let the pressure of all the people doing perfect Halloween couples costumes get to you. (And hey, if it is, there’s always the option to block them- no judgement).
3. Living is expensive
My friend actually came up with this one. I asked him what was something he didn’t realize when he turned twenty and he just went:
Things cost m o n e y.
Like a lot of money. You don’t really realize it when you’re living at home, but buying your weekly groceries and toilet roll and new conditioner when you’ve fully exhausted the wonders of dry shampoo, is expensive! I know when I moved away, I definitely wasn’t prepared for just how pricey being an adult is, and it definitely makes me miss the days my Mum would cook my dinner.
And this is all without all the scary bills and taxes. We don’t even really have to face those for a few more years, after university; can’t say I’m looking forward to that!
4. Insecurities aren’t just for teenagers
I think I was assuming, or maybe hoping, that the minute the clock struck twelve I’d be some new grown up version of myself. Because I wasn’t technically a teen anymore, I wouldn’t get caught up on the same silly things my teen-self had. Turns out it’s not quite as easy as that.
Yeah, people in their twenties still get insecure apparently. Possibly more so, because there’s a lot more pressure to be confident and have your sh*t together, and really have squashed any of your insecurities by this point because there isn’t time in the working day for them. It’s important to recognize that it’s fine to not feel like you have everything sorted, or don’t feel 100% about yourself all of the time. I reckon what does come with age, is the ability to manage these insecurities and not let them bother or preoccupy you quite as much. And knowing how to cope with them is actually properly a bigger part of being an adult anyway.
And that brings me on to…
5. You still have time.
All these things aside, I think it’s pretty normal to panic when you realize you are no longer a teenager. And twenty is a weird age, especially in the USA because you aren’t freshly eighteen, and you aren’t yet treated fully like an adult either, because you aren’t 21. In that sense, twenty can feel like this sort of limbo where you think you should feel a lot more grown up than you actually do.
The truth is like I said: Twenty is young. You still have all the time in the world to figure yourself and your life out, even if all the pressures of people and society are telling you otherwise. So, take a breath, enjoy that birthday cake, and try and revel in this new chapter, because the one thing I really took on board when I left teenage-hood behind, whether you wanted it or not, twenty is a fresh start.