When dreaming of the college experience, my mind went to the obvious: late-night study sessions with friends, trips to the dining hall, bonding with my roommates, and overall, finally being away from home.
But when I, a Suffolk County resident, decided to commit to Stony Brook, I automatically assumed I would be giving up a lot of that socializing aspect since I would have to commute and give up the dream I had of dorming and living away from home.
Stony Brook has a huge commuter population, nearly 50% of its students are commuters, and from what I saw online about commuting, it seemed quite lonely to me; people alone in their cars, going back and forth from school to home with a lot of solo study sessions. I feared it would be my way of becoming the ultimate introvert, being left to focus on nothing besides me, myself, and my schoolwork.
But nature-wise, that wasn’t me. I like to spend time with friends and it scared me that everyone I knew was leaving and I would be left behind to start a whole new routine alone. Out of fear of losing my social life, I even put down the dorming deposit, just to cancel it less than a week later since it didn’t make financial sense for me personally. I knew there were other people in the same boat as me, and since the university has such a big commuter population, I figured that I would just put myself out there and try my best to get to know new people.
Putting yourself out there is a key component in making friends as a whole, but when you don’t live on campus, it plays a major part in keeping friends, reaching out and actively making plans is something I did a lot in the beginning of college. I met a bunch of people online who were also going to attend my year and made plans for the starting year, and when Welcome Week started, I met a bunch of people from all over the East Coast that even now as a junior I am happy to say I am still friends with.
Clubs are also a good way to make friends and stay social. There’s an array of clubs on campus that are tailored to numerous interests, backgrounds, and similarities. I had never encountered people I had similar backgrounds or interests until I got to college and was exposed to so many different people!
Meeting people was no issue, but making close friends and forming relationships proved to be a little hard since I wasn’t living on campus. I would have to stay on campus until really late, stay way past my class times, and even come to campus for the day when I had no classes. These steps were annoying in the sense that I had no place to rest in between, or had to spend a good amount of money for on-campus food when I got hungry, but it was a good way for me to hangout with my friends and form strong relationships with them, I liked being present and I made a lot of good memories staying with my friends for study sessions, getting food with them, hanging out in their rooms, going to clubs and events with them. I felt like I got the college experience I always pictured, I would spend basically the entire day on campus, get home late at night to sleep, and wake up early in the morning for class, just to spend the entirety of the day there again.
This routine, while fun at first, obviously became a problem since I forgot to leave time for myself, and honestly, I was so scared of not having a social life that I prioritized it over my academic life. When my sophomore year came, I knew I couldn’t keep this routine going, but I also didn’t want to lose the social life I was so worried about not having.
Study days became a vital thing for me, I would meet my friends early on my off days at a local library or coffee shop and get work/studying done. I love studying with friends and I think that for me it’s a great way to get stuff done. I would also limit coming to campus on the days I didn’t need to if I had a lot of work to do, I knew finding a balance was necessary between social life, academics, and my well-being as a whole. I started to prioritize a set schedule of sleeping well, studying, and incorporating seeing my friends within my new routine.
Throughout college, I’ve found it difficult to balance my academic, social, family, work, and personal life. I think it takes a great deal of trial and error to find what works best for you and your mental health. Constant changes are happening, and adjustments need to be made, but I’m glad I haven’t had to face any of it alone. There’s always someone in your corner and there are always new people to meet!