Have you ever felt low because something didn’t go as you planned? Or someone did something that you weren’t expecting? Or maybe a deadline you couldn’t meet? Or you committed to something but it totally slipped your mind? Then what do you do? Not physically but emotionally, what is the first thing we do? We charge ourselves. We either feel bad about ourselves or we end up saying, ‘I’m good for nothing.’ This, my friend, is the mistake we all make.
Stop for a second, and ask yourself, does holding yourself guilty help? Does this make things any better? No. It is very important to understand that you are your own best friend. If you don’t understand yourself, then nobody else will. If you don’t believe in yourself, how do you expect others to believe in you? We are all humans and we can make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. The other person you see doing everything perfectly, is not showing what they are not doing perfectly. Just because people don’t speak about their shortcomings doesn’t mean they don’t have any. We end up thinking we are not as good and that they are better than us. This comparison is based on only what you get to see, which is definitely not the whole story.
When we start accusing ourselves, we lose motivation to do anything any longer. We create self-doubt. But do we realize that we are doing this at the cost of losing trust in our own self? Not only are we mistrusting ourselves, we are also placing doubts on our skills and abilities. This is a very harmful practice. It steals your determination from you. Self-doubt is the main factor that discourages us to proceed. Life is all about ups and downs. Just because you fall a few times doesn’t mean you have to stop. What matters is, you keep moving forward and keep trying to make things better. When you start blaming yourself, you are unfriending your most important support on the journey; yourself! This will only make your journey longer and difficult. It is crucial to understand that, self-integrity comes from believing and understanding your own self first.
Now, I know how bad it feels when things don’t go how we expected them to, but does focusing on that help? No! You cannot change what has happened. However, you can definitely influence what’s going to happen. So, instead of feeling bad about what happened and charging yourself guilty, focus on how to make things better. Tell yourself, ‘It’s okay, don’t worry about what happened. I know you tried and we will keep trying. We will make things work. We will find a solution. Don’t worry.’ Sometimes it is important to hear, ‘I believe in you,’ not from others but from yourself. Sometimes, it is important to appreciate yourself.
Don’t judge the person you are based on what someone said or based on some unpleasant outcome. You are not the sum of your failures. You are the sum of how you handled every situation, good or bad, and what you took away from each step. We learn every day. We change every day. Be your own employer and assign yourself the task of making things better from now on. Don’t wait on someone else to help you, to change your life or even to tell you how incredible you are. Be your own hero, be that officer who takes things into their own hands and solves the case. Look up to yourself, not down.