When I was in my early 20s I didn’t really know what I wanted out of life and for the most part it didn’t really stress me out because I saw my indecisions as freedom. I didn’t have to stick to anything I didn’t like because I wasn’t set on it being my career. I used my time to try new things with the hope that eventually I would stumble upon my passion or my so-called ‘purpose’ in life.
The thing about my indecision is that while I may not know what I want, I always know what I don’t want. So, I’ve spent most of my adult life bouncing from one thing to the next; collecting experiences and knowledge in lots of things, but never fully mastering or falling in love with any of it.
Having recently celebrated my 28th birthday and with graduation approaching in May, part of me started feeling like that girl in her early 20s again- not really knowing what my next step should be but knowing this isn’t it.
Society tell us we should be committed to something and in a successful career at my age, but how are you supposed to know what you want to do with the rest of your life at 18 when all you’ve had to experience is teachers and parents telling you what to do and telling you what life is supposed to be like?
Part of me wonders if what boomers say about millennials is true… how are our parents able to hold down a job they hate just to make ends meet? That’s another thing about me- no amount of money will ever make me stay at a job that drains me.
Something that has always fueled my indecisions has been feeling like I had no hobbies yet so many interests at the same time. I always wanted to go to law school, but felt that would take too long and where would I get the money for that anyways? Besides I really enjoy dying my own hair and experimenting with different hairstyles.
In my late 20s, sometimes I feel like I missed the boat- that if I would’ve decided I wanted to go to law school straight out of High School, I could be an attorney by now. I could already have my own home somewhere in SoCal instead of just being a beauty school drop out.
Another thing that needs to be normalized besides the fact that it’s okay not to know what you want at 18, is that it’s okay to change your mind at any stage in life.
I write this while trying to convince myself that I am still on time and on track to become a lawyer, and to have my dream home in California.
All my “real life” experiences from my early 20s led me here and I wouldn’t have made any of them if I was in school preparing for law school.
So, while I still haven’t necessarily found anything that I consider my passion, I have found the confidence to follow my gut. I’ve realized I don’t care how long things will take, because time will pass anyway and I’d rather spend the rest of my 20s doing what I want in this moment even if I decide to switch course in my 30s. As for my purpose- it’s definitely being fearless and leaving what drains me to pursue what fulfills me.