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The Big Girl’s Guide to Loving Herself

Self-love is hard for anybody. It is especially hard when most people in magazines and on T.V. and film don’t represent what you look like. We are told constantly from friends, family, and peers that what we look like is never enough, so here are some tips to help you do the damn thing no matter what you look like.

Drop toxic people. 

You’ve probably already heard this but it’s still important to remember. They can be your sister, your cousin, your friend of 10 years, your aunt, your uncle, or your weed guy. Toxic people don’t have one face, and they themselves come in different shapes and sizes. Oftentimes, people treat you a certain way because they feel a certain way about themselves, but that doesn’t justify what they say to you or how they should treat you. Know your worth.

Wear what makes you comfortable, not what makes other people comfortable. 

You don’t exist to appease other people, only yourself. How are you ever going to learn to be happy if you’re always looking to please others? Learning to ignore other opinions is super hard, especially when you’re surrounded by opposition, but you’ll only truly be happy when your voice is the only voice in your head.

Your body does not exhibit your health. 

Being overweight doesn’t define your overall health. You’re a liar if you say you don’t have a skinny friend who eats pizza and fries every other day, but no one seems “concerned” about their health because being skinny is society’s equivalent of being healthy. It’s a completely wrong narrative and just because you look a certain way, doesn’t mean your health reflects that. Nobody knows your inner workings but you.

You have fat, you are not fat. 

Because being fat doesn’t define who you are, it is just a part of who you are. That pretty much speaks for itself.

Don’t let society convince you that you don’t deserve love. 

There’s almost an unspoken notion in society that if you are overweight, you don’t deserve love. “Guys don‘t like chubby girls”, “You would look so much prettier if you were skinny”, and whether you believe it or not, that is an extremely harmful narrative. I grew up for the majority of my life thinking that no one would ever love me because of the way I look. Beliefs such as these can lead to a range of harm from extremely low self-esteem to a victim of sexual assault who refuses to speak up because she feels no one will believe her. Your capacity for love is no different than anyone else’s. 

Don’t feel like you have to put yourself into a box because of the way you look

If you are loud, be loud. If you are quiet, be quiet. If you have something you have to say, then say it. Don’t feel like your opinion is less relevant because other people may see you as “less than.”

Check yourself from time to time. 

Sometimes you are the problem. Sometimes you are the toxic person, spreading hate not only to yourself but to others. Watch what you say because words do hurt, and the last thing you want to learn is that you’re the reason behind someone else’s pain.

Learning to love yourself isn’t linear. 

Boom. I just hit you with the math terms, but for real though. Nothing in life is a straight path. There are days you’re going to feel great and there are days you’re going to feel like crap. That’s what it’s like to be human. That’s life. Being body positive doesn’t mean you have to love yourself every day of the week, it just means that you will learn to appreciate and respect what your body does for you and gives you every day, no matter the size.

These a few of the many steps you can take to feel more comfortable in your own skin. Change doesn’t happen overnight and don’t be too hard on yourself. You deserve to exist. You are valid. You are worthy of all the love. Just remember to love yourself first. 


Gifs courtesy of SparkLife, Giphy, YourTango, and Revelist

Name: Brittany Dixon Year: Freshman Major: Biology Hometown: Jamaica, NY
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