During my dating experiences, I’ve had a few of my dates talk about other girls they’ve been with. Keep in mind, this conversation came up on first and second dates, so basically I didn’t even know what his hobbies and interests were, but I knew how many sexual partners he’d had. I don’t know about you, but it feels like we’re skipping a couple of stairs on the way up and you know what happens when you try to do fancy impressive moves on stairs, about 99% of the time you fall down… hard. To be honest, I have been very uncomfortable with the way that some of my dates have talked about women. I recently went out with someone who told me that if a girl started to flirt with him at a party he felt like “it was his lucky day”. Gross. On behalf of my entire gender I am stating that his comment was disgusting. Hearing him talk about how he “liked it when girls did (you fill in the blank)” it made me begin to question why I was even out with him. Hearing him talk about other people he’s been with made me feel like my name was being added to a laundry list of women he had used for his own personal gratification. I don’t even think I have to say it, but I’ll say it anyway… it felt awful.
What I’ve come to realize about guys who feel the need to have a laundry list of women they are “talking” to and maybe even voice it while on a date, it comes from a place of insecurity. As human beings we all have a void when it comes to feeling love in a romantic way. I am a college student who is discovering what I want out of my future career, friendships, relationships, and everything else in between. While it sounds simple, it definitely is not. I feel content with being single right now and just casually going on dates (actual dates, I feel like I should include that) with people here and there. I enjoy getting to know different people and my experiences help me discover what I am looking for in a person that I will pursue a serious relationship with at some point in my life. This being said, the majority of days this void that I mentioned earlier does not feel that large. Some days it does. I picture it almost like confidence. I am happy to say that the majority of days, I wake up and I like the beauty that I see in myself on the inside and the outside. However, there are those occasional days when I wake up and don’t feel that good, just like everyone else. However for this type of guy I have described, I truly believe that this void is extraordinarily large for him on most days. My reasoning is that if this void wasn’t so overwhelming, why would a guy feel the need to receive affection from a bunch of people at once? If he was content, he wouldn’t be chasing emotional or physical gratification to such an extreme. He wouldn’t feel the need to string people along that he might not even have interest in, just so he can set new personal records for how many women he is talking to at once. People may say that hookups or certain dating situations “mean nothing”, but how many times have you heard people talking about a hookup without it being messy with feelings? I can’t say I have too many times in my life or even at all.
To all of the people who have been made to feel less-than by your date’s mention of his past or present dates or hookups, all I can say is that you are enough. It is tough to hear about all of the people that someone is also seeing or may have been with in the past and not compare yourself to them. I’ve wondered if I’m as interesting to talk to or even worse, if I’m as physically attractive. It is one of the worst feelings in the world to feel like you are inadequate based on something one of your dates said. If a guy you are out with does not make an effort to make you feel special or important, get out while you can. Men like this have nothing to offer to good women. If a guy is confused about whether he actually has interest in you to such point that you begin to notice it yourself, run fast. I recently found that guys who are this confused rub off on you. One of my friends was asking me the other day how I felt about someone I went out with and I just looked at her and I was like “I don’t know”. How ridiculous is that? Confusion in dating is contagious and that’s all I have to say about that. Luckily, I figured out how I felt about him a few days later and it was not warm and fuzzy. You deserve to find someone who chooses you and doesn’t play games. I deserve much better than to be put on a “list” and I hope that reading this has made you realize that you do too.