Her Campus, it has been a while. It is time for me to catch you up to speed on what has been going on in my life. For only being a couple of weeks into the semester, a lot has happened, and I have things to say…again.
The Asset of Being Assertive
Recently, I had my first counseling appointment of the semester. During the appointment, my counselor asked me to list some of my personal strengths. Since I had just completed grad school applications not too long ago, I had plenty in my back pocket to rattle off. The ones I listed were a bit generic, like “empathetic” or “creative.”
My counselor then asked if she could throw one into the mix. I was curious to hear what she had to say since she had only known me for about forty minutes, and I’d told her some pretty wack stuff for about thirty-five of them.
My counselor said, “Erin, you are an assertive person,” which made me pause. For a second, I almost suggested that we may perhaps want to throw that word into another column if we were to start listing weaknesses. She then went on to say, “You seem like a woman who makes things happen. When your intuition tells you to do something, you do it…and boldly.”
After my appointment was over, I started to wonder why I had previously considered the word “assertive” to have a negative connotation. Somewhere along the way, I must have subconsciously absorbed the idea that it is bad for a woman to be assertive.
Since my appointment, I have thought more about my newfound trait of being assertive. Being an English major, I enjoy learning proper definitions for words, so I looked to Merriam-Webster to get a sense of what my new trait entailed. Merriam-Webster defines “assertive” as “disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior.”
Once I read the definition, I realized that it is kind of fitting. I am a woman who takes care of business when a task is thrown my way. If my intuition tells me something is a good idea, then I jump right in, and if my intuition says something is a bad idea, then I avoid it like the damn plague.
Erin Sousa is bold.
Erin Sousa is confident.
Therefore, I’m getting “assertive” tattooed on my forehead.
I Sing and Do Flips
One Sunday night, it was my turn to cantor a mass at Stonehill. “Cantor” is the fancy Catholic word for the person who leads the music at a mass. My parents came down from little old Chelmsford for the occasion, especially since my farewell tour has officially begun.
After I finished singing, my mom told me that I looked very comfortable singing up there all by myself. Over the past few years, I have become much more comfortable singing by myself in front of an audience. I guess I have realized that if it all goes to hell, then people will probably forget about it in a week.
Hearing my mom say how comfortable I am up there by myself made me think of back in high school when I would sing little Dolly Parton songs in school shows. I would be standing in the wings of the Chelmsford High School Performing Arts Center in my little cowgirl boots, sweating profusely. I always feared the microphone would slide right out of my sweaty hands. Once I got out on the stage and the lights hit me, I would just kind of blackout and sing my song.
Now I see that certain things that used to make my stomach do flips no longer do. That is good news for me, especially since I am starting to look toward the next phase of my life after college. While my plan for after college is about 95% in place, I still have the stomach flips. I will be starting something completely new to me. Miss Sousa will be teaching, and she will perhaps have a new teaching license to accompany her English license. More on this to come…
Finding Our Real Soulmates
Now that I am no longer student-teaching, I get to spend more time with my friends on campus and actually be there when big things happen in their lives. We’ve already had our own individual moments of chaos, which I guess is concerning since we’re not even three weeks into the semester.
Recently, one of my friends had a sad breakup with her boyfriend. While she and her boyfriend were in the midst of their breakup conversation, two of my other suitemates and I were ready for the moment we may have to beat down the door and tell him to get out of our household due to disrespect.
Eventually, we heard her door open and saw him walk out. Although the three of us knew that Covid had to be incubating inside us, we came running out of our rooms to hug her. While it hurt all of our hearts to see our friend so upset, it definitely provided an important reminder: life is messy, but at least we have girlfriends.
Without girlfriends, we wouldn’t have anyone to drink wine with, dry our tears when men behave poorly or celebrate with when we receive exciting news.
Therefore, I have a new friendship motto: Those who willingly join Covid-infested group hugs to comfort you, despite the potential consequences three days later, are our real soulmates.
My Very Own Horror Movie
One Friday morning I woke up to the dreaded email that every Stonehill student is currently trying to avoid – the positive Covid email. I had indeed caught what my mother refers to as “the Vid.”
When I received the call from Health Services, they were quite surprised to hear that I was feeling great. They were even more surprised to hear that I had run three miles the previous day, to which they informed me that I am a “beast” for being able to run with Covid lungs. Needless to say, we had quite a few laughs.
Soon, I was exiled to my isolation room. I packed up my things, feeling like I was heading off to play Survivor. One of my friends walked me over to my fate, carrying my pillow. Although I knew I was entering a war zone, I decided I was going to stay positive. I was already positive in another sense, so I figured I may as well keep a positive attitude.
Little did I know I was entering my own horror movie. When I walked into the room, I had a roommate who was reading in the dark. That was a big red flag to me. However, things only became worse when I went to put my things down and realized I did not have a mattress. I had a prickly metal bed frame, but no mattress. It looked like a scene out of Bates Motel.
Since I am assertive now, I made a phone call and informed the people who had assigned my room that there was no mattress. While I was talking on the phone, I realized it was time to go home, so I grabbed my bags and ran out the door. I made it back to Chelmsford and made myself a margarita. After all, margaritas kill germs.
A Little Imperfect Island
Recently, I have been on a cleanse. It is not a cleanse from food, simply because I love eating too much for that. Rather, it is a cleanse from people who portray themselves as people who have perfect lives. You know those people who try to make their lives look like sunshine and rainbows all the time? I’m talking about those kinds of people. I am taking a cleanse simply because I refuse to believe people who try to make their lives look perfect.
A big part of my cleanse is not going on Instagram anymore. I’ve realized that if I actually cared what certain people are up to, then I would probably just ask them. I have also decided that Instagram is the breeding ground for perfection imposters. I want no part of people’s pictures that don’t even look like them in real life. Now, I say all of this and you’re probably thinking “Erin you are a fraud. I found this article through your Instagram story.” To this I say, yes, you did. That is because I will use Instagram once a month as an advertising space when I feel I have something important to say or I just want to remind people that I am still breathing – and still strikingly beautiful. However, I will not be scrolling.
Due to this cleanse, I am starting my own little imperfect island. Anyone who is sick of trying to be perfect and wishes to discuss how entertaining their imperfect life is can come and join. I tell my students quite often that our quirks are our superpowers, so I am encouraging everyone to come to the imperfect island with all of their quirks. I think that we will have a much better time living on the imperfect island than trying to live a little lie. I am living a beautifully messy life in an outward way, and I encourage everyone to do the same.