Ladies and Gentlehawks,
A problem has come to our attention. Several of your fellow hawks, even perhaps you have misplaced your precious Hillcard and forced to pay the volatile, and heinous fee of $25. To rebute this $25 we have created a list to guide you hawks on how not to lose your Hillcard.
1. Tape it to your forehead
2. Laminate to your arm
3. Place in sock – “classic”
4. Back of phone – just don’t lose your phone
5. Super glue to bottom of shoe
6. Keep it in your undies
7. Secure it in your breasts
8. Hole punch it and attach it to belt loop via string
9. Wear it as a fashionable hair accessory
10. Hide near your dorm room
11. Buy a fake rock and place it underneath
12. Buy a fake sprinkler head and place it underneath
13. Buy a stuffed animal dog and put it in the dog. Then walk this stuffed animal on a leash and pretend it’s a real dog
14. Train a carrier pigeon
15. Sew it into your jeans
16. Buy a fake hillcard and lose that one
17. Give it to your mom
18. Have your mom install a tracking device on it
19. Don’t ever leave your room… ever
20. Glue a magnet to it and then attach the other magnet somewhere on your body
21. Superglue it to your real dog… or real cat… or real gerbil and bring your real animal around to class
22. Saran wrap it to your stomach
23. Buy a small 2-foot standup of a bald, Latino singer – preferably Pitbull. Make him hold it. Proceed to bring him everywhere and claim that you’re his manager
24. Tape it to your windshield. Drive your car into every classroom
25. Buy a lanyard
Sincerely,
Your Guardian Angels & Frequent Card Losers
Lauren Smith & Bailey Herr