10 Signs you Just Went on One of the Worst First Dates of Your Life

Unfortunately, each of these 10 signs are based on true events. Even more unfortunate, all 10 of these signs have been experienced in one night.  


1. You didn’t even know it was a date until it actually happened.


I know I may be a traitor to my generation since the dating world today is based on secret signals and codes (the new pseudonym for “date” is “hang out”), but I really do not enjoy when I can’t even tell if I am being asked on a date or not. How are you supposed to know whether you need to look good or not?

2. Your date asked you zero questions about yourself.


I like to think about questions on a first date like one of those give a penny, take a penny things at the grocery store checkout line; if you ask a question, you get one in return. One of the most painful things is sitting and listening to your date talk only about themselves for hours and they can barely manage to ask you three questions. If your date cannot list five remotely detailed facts about you by the end of the date, sis has a problem.

3. Your date can’t help but bring up their ex every other sentence.


If you cannot go for two minutes without talking about your ex, I would actually prefer it if you call your old girl and have her sub in for me and take my place on this date. Opening the ex-file on the first date is probably the best way to guarantee that you will never hear from your date ever again.


4. You paid more than your date.

Not to be old fashioned, but ladies should not pay for the first date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive outing, but it’s manners, people.


5. Your date did not hold any doors for you or pull out the chair.


It’s all in the details.



6. Your date brings you to a location that is a little too far away for you to not be suspicious.

While it is very kind if a date thoughtfully plans to bring you somewhere special that is a little bit far away, I become a little bit suspicious when I am brought to a location over thirty minutes away when we easily could have gone to a similar location in town. What exactly are you hiding?? Why do you not want anyone with the same zip code as us to see us out in public?

7. Your date gets REALLY into their feelings.

While it is great if your date feels comfortable enough to share highly personal information about himself or herself, there is such a thing as sharing a little TOO much on the first date. Honestly, when it comes to the first date, name, rank, and serial number will suffice. A first date is about dipping your toes in the water, not doing a full-on dive into the pool.

8. Your date cried…on the first date…

While I may not always be quite the emotional boulder myself, I am proud to say that I can restrain myself from crying for a few hours in front of someone I hardly know. When someone cries on the first date, the only three things I can think to do are rub their back, say the classic “there, there”, and give them a phone number for a local therapist.


9. Your date wants to get *quite* physical.

In this department, less is more on the first date. Establish your mystery…mystery is good.

10. Your date pays more attention to the T.V. on the wall than you.

Please pay more attention to my pretty face and appreciate the effort I put into making myself look like a total snack instead of having your eyes glued to the television showing SportsCenter on the back wall. Thank you.