1. Your friends think he’s a slime.
If your friends cannot find one good thing to say about him, it’s usually not a good sign. Some truth tea I need to spill to any sis who doesn’t listen to her friends’ declaration of slime is that whether you realize it or not, when you picked these people to be your friends it is probably because you think they are rational human beings and you trust their judgment, so why not trust them now? Honestly, if your friends don’t like him, who will?
2. Your mom thinks he’s a slime too.
This brings me to my next point which is that if your friends do not like him, there is about a 99.9% chance that your mama won’t. My mom is never afraid to say when she thinks someone is a loser. Side note: the picture below is indeed a receipt from my mother.
3. He barely has anything to say to you if it’s not Friday and Saturday night.
If it takes heavy intoxication for him to become a profound conversationalist, then it looks like any interaction from Sunday through Friday afternoon will be pretty dismal. I don’t care how fun he is on Friday and Saturday night. A dismal date is not fun. Really.
4. His form of apology is showering you in compliments.
Thank you for noticing how great I look, but could you actually just acknowledge that you did something wrong?
5. He really does not care to address any uncomfortable situation with you through any medium of communication.
If there is one thing that no one needs, it is a man who avoids all uncomfortable situations. To think all these years they’ve told us to “get comfortable being uncomfortable”.
6. He refuses to pick up the phone first.
I don’t care who you are. I don’t care if you are famous. I don’t care if you are curing a rare disease. Pick up the phone. It is really not that hard.
7. You are currently in the “what is going on here” limbo.
Ah, the grand “I don’t even know if he likes me or not” limbo. It is thrilling, but most importantly, it is draining. After a couple of weeks, move on sister. If he can’t conquer his fear during that time, there is a good chance that you’ll both still be in the same limbo at age 35 when you run into him in the cereal aisle in Market Basket.
8. His reputation isn’t quite flattering.
While the rumor mill can be a dangerous place, if the majority of people are getting the same vibes about him they are probably right on the money.
9. You never seem to get a normal time slot.
While I have been grilled for referring to them as “time slots” that is what they are. You only have so much time to figure out if he is weird or not and to also try to mildly flex in the process. Getting the Wednesday at 2 pm shift is rough. Who is getting the Saturday at 9 pm slot?
10. His entire life is one big mystery.
If I am given rapid fire questions while I am out with someone, I become a little nervous why he basically doesn’t want me to ask him anything about himself. What exactly are you hiding? Also, if everything he says is a riddle, then run. I never even liked puzzles anyway.